Adrift

WHY AM I WATCHING ADRIFT?

In which ABC forgets to pay the electric bill.

PREVIOUSLY, ON LOST

While all that boring bullshit was going on last week, just off the island much more interesting things were happening. Michael, Walt, Sawyer, and Jin built a boat and sailed away from the island. They were quickly found, but not by friendly fishermen. They're found by evil, baby eating Others who have decided they want to eat Walt. They take Walt, shoot Sawyer, and blow up the boat.

THE ISLAND

Speaking of interesting things this week, Kate! I know! I'm just as surprised as anyone! But really this is Locke's deal. So, last week he was lowering her down into the Hatch. Suddenly, there was a bright light coming from inside the Hatch and Kate just straight up disappeared. Weird, right? Now we get to see what happened while Jack was wandering around being all growlboring. Yeah, I'm still mad about that.

So, Locke heads down after Kate. He explores the bunker a little bit, and when he reaches the living quarters, he takes his shoes off, because Locke is polite. Then he sees Kate lying on the floor, with a large red bump coming out of the top of her head, and little birds flying around her. Then he turns around to see Desmond standing there with a large frying pan. Desmond asks "Are you him?" And Locke is all "Uhhhhhh, yes? I'm totally him..."

For some reason Desmond doesn't believe him, and tries to tie Locke up. But Locke says "Oh no, don't tie me up! Tie Kate up! She's a daaaaaaaangerous fugitive." And for some reason Desmond actually believes him. The one time someone realizes Kate is the dangerous one is when she's not the dangerous one. I can't with this show sometimes. Anyways, Locke ties Kate up, but he slips her his knife before throwing her in the Ben closet. But we'll get to that.

This is a good a time as any to point out that the lighting issues from last week continue this week. The lights in the bunker are all out. The few scenes above ground are at night, so you can't see anything. And in the next section, we'll be with Michael and Sawyer, who are out in the middle of the ocean in the pitch black. It's insane, you can't tell what's going on. And this zit comes to a head here where Kate is trapped in a pitch black room, and all you can see is the outline of her pants as she tries to free herself. I guess she does because she stands up and turns on the lights. This is the first time in 26 episodes that Kate actually makes a scene better.

Now that everyone can fucking see what's happening, Kate takes in her surroundings. She's in some kind of pantry, and it is just fucking stuffed with food. She has a quick Snickers break, and shoves a few more in her pocket before jumping up into a ventilation duct, like so much Bruce Willis. Now I have a candy bar. Ho ho ho. While that's happening, Locke is explaining to Desmond about the plane crash, and trying to convince him that they're not a threat. That's when the alarm goes off. Desmond shoves Locke in front of a computer and has him type The Numbers into it. The alarm stops and a timer resets. Get used to this. Then Jack starts yelling from the hallway, and we see the end of last week, but from Kate's perspective up in the ceiling. Then Jack recognizes Desmond from one five minute conversation three years ago.

Hey, that's the name of the blog!

JUST OFF THE ISLAND

Meanwhile Michael and Sawyer are fucked. Just plain fucked. Their boat a-splode, Walt is kidnapped, Sawyer's shot, Jin is missing, and Michael is unconscious. Sawyer is trying to CPR Michael back to life. Mike wakes up and immediately starts screaming for Walt. Gotta get those catchphrases in. That goes nowhere, so he starts blaming Sawyer for their predicament. After all, we're two episodes into this season and no one has blamed Sawyer for shit that isn't his fault yet. Then the shark shows up.

Yeah, there's a shark swimming around them and he's got that same Dharma logo tattooed on his tummy. Michael blames this on Sawyer. After all, it's his blood that's attracting the shark. Never mind that Sawyer got shot trying to save Walt. So Sawyer says "Fuck. This." and swims over to another bit of wreckage. Then he pulls the bullet out with his bare hands. Then he puts two and two together and figures out that the kid The Others were after wasn't Claire's baby. It was Walt. In hindsight, it's pretty obvious, but Michael disagrees. He disagrees so hard that Sawyer's raft falls apart and now they're back together.

Before they can paint a line down the middle of the raft, the sun finally comes up. Now that they can see, they realize they're still right next to the island. So, this trip has not gone as well as they had hoped. They land on the beach and start to catch their breath. That's when Jin comes running out of the jungle, shouting about Others. Then he's followed by a bunch of zombies, maybe? I don't think so, but frankly, I wouldn't put anything past this fucking weird island.

Well, here we are. Out in the middle of the ocean. I guess.

THE FLASHBACK

Honestly, there's not a lot to the flashback this week. It's very good, don't get me wrong. Harold Perrineau acts the shit out of it. But it's only like 3 scenes and not much happens plot-wise. Michael, who's got a beard and big hair because he's been in the hospital and not because the actor has to pretend he's stranded on an island most of the year, is in his lawyer's office. That jerk Brian is trying to adopt Walt, and Michael needs to relinquish parental rights. The lawyer thinks Michael should take the money and walk away, because frankly he's not very good, and Brain's lawyers will mop the floor with him. But Michael wants to fight because no one takes his son from him. So, they go into arbitration and Mike gets the metaphorical snot beaten out of him. Susan talks to him off the record and convinces him that this is what's best for Walt. Michael then says good bye to his kid, and it's very sad. He also gives him a stuffed polar bear, which is not nearly as clever as the writers think it is.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• Seriously. What's the point of taking your entire production to Hawaii, and having these great outdoor sets if you're not going to be able to show them off?
• The stuff with Michael and Sawyer could have just as easily been shot in a pool at some LA sound stage.

Here's Kate in a dark room. Or maybe a polar bear in a snowstorm. I don't know. 

FENWAY PARK

• WAAAAAALT!! (x18)
• They're not going to take my son!
• They took my son! (x2)
• Lostpedia is trying to convince me that "him" is a catchphrase for this episode.
• Shut up, nerds.

Others! Or zombies! I don't know, I don't speak English.