Man of Science, Man of Faith

WHY AM I WATCHING MAN OF SCIENCE, MAN OF FAITH?

In which there is a lot of running in place

Duhhhhhhhhhhhh

PREVIOUSLY, ON LOST

First a plane crashed on a fucking weird island. Then bunch of things happened in the past. Jack was a good leader, except when his masculinity was challenged, then not so much. Charlie did heroin, but got better. Claire had a baby. Locke found a hatch, then Boone died. Everyone was an ass to Sawyer for no reason at all. Seriously, Sayid even tortured him. But then he felt bad about it, so he went on a walk. But then Rousseau tortured Sayid. Circle of life, and all that. Turns out Ethan is one of The Others. They kidnapped Walt. Michael and Jin hated each other. But now they don't. They sailed away on a boat. That's where Walt was kidnapped. OK, all caught up? Good. Don't expect anything to change this episode.

THE FLASHBACK

Jack is about to start some surgery. There was a pretty bad car crash. One car had a Pretty Lady. She hit the car of one Adam Rutherford (Oh boy, that's going to be awkward if Shannon ever figures it out). I'm sure the doctoring was really cool, but I was completely distracted by Mathew Fox's ridiculous Scott Baio wig.

Jack has to break the bad news to the woman (named Sarah) (played by Julie Bowen) (And even if you're not a weirdo like me who writes dick jokes about 10 year old TV shows, it's very obvious that this woman is Jack's future ex-wife), that she will probably never walk again. But then he promises her that she will dance at her upcoming wedding. SPEAKING OF WHICH: Sara's current fiance is not a doctor with control issues! No, he's an ass who's first question is about how soon it will be before they have sex. I guess it's supposed to make you not like him, so you don't feel bad when she leaves him for Jack? Then Daddy Shephard shows up and gives Jack good, fatherly advice? What is even happening? And why is that thing still on your head?

Jack goes for an anger run and trips, twisting his ankle. He is helped up by a charming Scottsman named Desmond, who is there training for a new job or whatever. He talks out his problem with Desmond. Basically it boils down to Jack made a ridiculous promise that he can't deliver on, and feels bad about the fact that he has to tell Sarah that she, in fact, will never walk again, much less dance. Or bone her skeevy fiance, who we've never seen after that one scene. Desmond is all "What if a miracle happens?" And Jack is like "What? No. Shut up. That's stupid." And Desmond is all "Have faith, man of science! See you in another life, brother." And vanishes into the night.

Then Jack and his goddamn insane wig are hanging out in Sarah's room like a creeper waiting for her to wake up. When she does he has a tearful confession that he actually can't do the impossible. But the Sarah goes "WTF are you talking about? Lookit mah toes!" and she starts wiggling her footsies all over the place. So, I guess Desmond is magic?

WHAT IS ON YOUR HEAD?

THE INTRO

Now that's all out of the way, the actual start of the episode is a neat little story. We are in a little apartment/work space looking thing. The set has a nice 70's vibe to it. We watch a guy going through his morning routine. He wakes up. Puts on some fresh tunes, works out, has breakfast, injects himself with experimental drugs. You know, usual morning stuff. He's interrupted by an explosion, then we get the reveal that we've been inside the Hatch! It's a really weird way to start the season, and I love it. It might be the only good part of the episode.

THE ISLAND

The dude grabs a gun and the camera pans down the hallway, and up a long ladder to see Jack and Locke exactly where we left them last season, peering down into a smoking hatch hole. The ladder broke in the explosion, so they can't get down there. Jack is all "Well, we tried. Back to the caves!" But Locke wants to figure a way down there, EVEN THOUGH JACK SAID NO! Can you believe the nerve of that guy? Jack is very adamant that Locke does exactly what he says at all times. Great, now I get Angry Jack with Locke as well as Kate. Oh boy. Unlike Kate, however, Locke doesn't immediately bow his head in subservience. In fact, one could even make the case that you shouldn't tell Locke what he can and cannot do. They growl about who's dick is bigger for a bit, then head back to the caves.

On the way back, Hurley tries to cheer up Jack, and he's mostly successful. He also tries to tell Jack about The Numbers and how maybe opening the hatch wasn't a good idea. Jack basically laughs in his face. Hurley is not happy with how the walk went. At the caves, Jack gives the castaways a good coaches talk, telling them to give 110% and have good defense. Most importantly, they HAVE to stick together, and forget about the hatch. Locke then shouts form the back, "So long! I'm gonna go explore the hatch all by myself!" He takes Kate with him, I'm pretty sure as a nice fuck you to Jack. And since it's a jungle mission, and there will be climbing, Kate agrees. Locke lowers her down into the hole, but there's a flash of bright light and Kate disappears without a trace. We should be so lucky.

Jack puts on his cranky pants and heads down into the Hatch do get Locke and Kate. As he's wandering around the dark tunnels, we see that this hatch is just as weird as the rest of this fucking weird island. There's a big ol magnet in the wall for starters. There's a crazy mural map thing that has all the Numbers on it. And there's a weird ass domed room that has an Apple II in it. Because I guess the hatch leads to my 1990's high school. Jack is about to use the computer when Locke shows up, and there's a guy behind him holding a gun to Locke's head. Jack decides this is the perfect time to start making fun of Locke and his obsession with the Hatch. Holy shit, dude. Get a little perspective here. For all of Locke's faults, at least he understands that they are on a fucking weird island. Maybe right now, in this moment, there are more important things than your fragile masculinity. The guy holding the gun agrees, and he steps out to reveal that he is Desmond! Whaaaaa? Way to pull your shit together in the last ten seconds, episode.

Meanwhile, Shannon loses the dog, falls down in the spooky jungle, and sees Walt's ghost. That's pretty much it for the B-plot. There was very important masculine posturing to get back to.

This is how, like 90% of the episode looked.

THE RANDOM THOUGHTS

• This was tough to write, man. It's full of Angry Jack, who I hate. And nothing happens. The island stuff is basically three scenes stretched out to fill the hour.
• I spend a lot of time defending Jack to people, too. But if this is the guy we're going to be seeing moving forward, I may have to change my stance.
• There's nothing new about the characters either. If anything, Jack regresses this week. In the flashback he learns that there are things out of his control. So on the island, he doubles down and forces his control on things that aren't really his concern?
• Another problem was just how muddy and dark everything was. I had a hard time finding good screen caps this week. Even with the old standby of Jackface to fall back on, everything looked the same. The cinematographer took the week off, and just let the torches do all the lighting.

FENWAY PARK

• Live together, die alone.
• See you in another life, yeah?