Monday, February 22, 2016

Exodus, Part 1

WHY AM I WATCHING EXODUS, PART 1?

In which shit gets real.

You have selected "you", referring to me. That is wrong. The correct answer is YOU.
Only who can prevent forest fires?


THE ISLAND

Lost is back, guys! After two weeks of boring nonsense, the show is back on track as Michael and his gallant crew leave the island. But first Walt's gallant urine has to leave his body. But as he's watering the jungle, he sees a crazy French woman and her crazy French guns making her way to the camp. She comes with a warning. She was pregnant when she crashed on the island and after her daughter was born she saw a pillar of black smoke  in the distance. Then some of Ethan's Others came and took her baby. Everyone awkwardly avoids making eye contact with Claire.

Jack, of course, says "What? No. That's stupid. You're stupid" and goes back to launching the raft. Everyone not building the raft has built a ramp for it, and it's time to shove the whole mess into the water. At least it was, until Sawyer breaks something. It's just stalling for time, but putting off the launch for another 30 minutes makes for a good ending of the episode, and Sawyer storming off sets up a nice scene for him and Jack, so I'll allow it. Of course that's when everyone sees a pillar of black smoke off in the horizon. So either the island just elected a new Pope, or the castaways are fucked.

Everyone starts to wonder where 40 people are all going to hide together and Locke is all "Yeah, about that...." Jack tells everyone the plan. Blow the hatch, then everyone hides underground until this whole thing blows over. But to do that, they'll need some of Rousseau's crazy French dynamite. She doesn't have any. To get more, they'll need to travel to the black rock in the heart of the Dark Territory. Everyone take this news in stride. After 44 days, they've all figured out -and I can not stress this enough- this island is fucking weird.  So everyone suits up for a Jungle Mission. We've got Jack, Locke, and Rousseau obviously. Kate, because of course. Hurley because that makes as much sense as Kate, and Dr. Arzt the high school science teacher from last week. He's coming because he's the only person who knows how to handle dynamite. The exasperated, condescending way he teaches everyone his utterly delightful. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this guy in the upcoming seasons.

Before they go, Jack says goodbye to Sawyer. It's a real nice scene that showcases a lot of character growth for both of them. Jack gives Sawyer a gun, so that if food runs out, he can handle the situation. And Sawyer tells Jack about the time he met Jack's dad in a dingy dingo bar. Strangely, Jack's father's famous catchphrase, "That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series" doesn't come up. Seriously though, this is a great scene. I wish the two of them had more scenes like this together, instead of growling at Kate about which one of their dicks is bigger.

On the rest of  the beach, Shannon is being a bitch, so Walt gives her Vincent. The dog helped him through his mom's death, now he can help her with Boone's. He's a good kid. Charlie is collecting messages for all the survivor's families to go on the raft. Locke declines to write one. I can't really blame him there. Sun has made Jin a little cheat sheet of English phrases to help him on the trip. They reconcile. It's really sweet. And so, Michael, Walt, Jin, and Sawyer set sail. Bound for California, or possibly Hawaii, or at least a cargo ship that won't run them over.

Back in the jungle, the group crosses over into the Dark Territory, and things get real creepy, real fast. Arzt, realizing he's a redshirt, decides to high tail it back to the beach. But changes his mind real quick when a Cloverfield starts chasing him. Kate leads most everyone right to a tree to hide in, but Locke grabs Hurley and they stay right were they are. Locke is convinced that the best way to outwit the monster is to just stay right were they are. And luckily for the SFX budget, that's exactly what happens. The monster wanders off before getting into camera range. Rousseau lets everyone know that the monster is a security system for the island, and quite frankly that just raises more questions. But there's no time for that! They've arrived at the black rock! Or to be more accurate, they've arrived at the Black Rock! It's not so much a rock as it is a giant shipwreck that is somehow in the middle of the jungle. I'm telling you, this island is fucking weird. Then, because someone decided to split this episode into two parts, and this is not a good place to take a break, we get a quick shot of the black smoke for the cliffhanger. LOST


They probably shouldn't have named it the S.S. Minnow.

THE FLASHBACK(S)

We get a bunch of little flashbacks this week that show what everyone was doing right before they got on the plane. It's actually a really good way to show how far the characters have come this season. We start out with Michael and Walt. It's 5 AM, and Walt wants to watch Power Rangers. Michael wants to sleep for a few more hours. He tries to compromise by asking Walt to turn down the sound, but Walt just turns it up instead. This turns into a huge fight, with Walt screaming that Michael isn't his father. It especially contrasts nice with the dissolve to Micheal and Walt on the beach sleeping next to each other.

Next we get Jack sitting in the airport bar. A young woman named Anna Lucia strikes up a conversation with him. We know that she's going to be important because she's Michelle Rodriguez and you don't fly a name actress to Hawaii and just have her film one minor scene. She's sitting in the back of the plane, though. So she's in the bottom of the Pacific now.

Time for Sawyer. We're seeing him right from the background of Boone's flashback. Last night Sawyer got wicked drunk and headbutted the Australian Prime Minister, the cops took him in and found out his real identity, and now he's being deported. I'm pretty sure deportation isn't handled by local beat cops, but maybe they do things different down there. Anyways, Sawyer is told he's no longer welcome in Australia, so that just makes me assume that all the airports have a picture of Josh Holloway's face inside the "no" symbol.

Next up is Kate. You know, I really don't want to sit here and repeat myself about how Kate ruins everything and climbs trees. But then the show needs to stop repeating itself too. There's nothing new here. We already knew the Marshall was a dick. We knew that stupid toy plane is important to her, and where it came from. And we already knew that Kate is Pure and Innocent and Good, and only did What She Had to in Order to Protect Herself. And she's had no character growth all season, so there's nothing to contrast it with. If you're not going to give us something new, then don't even bother. Also, this is the longest flashback, so the writers clearly thought this was the most important one. Or maybe it just felt like the longest. Either way, it was terrible. Kate ruins blah blah, you get the point.

Shannon and Boone are at the airport bickering. Try not to think about the fact that they were fucking a few hours earlier. Sayid asks Shannon to watch his bag and she's all "yeah, whatever." Boone yells at Shannon for being useless. Shannon shows how useful she is by telling a security guard that some Arab guy left his bag on the chair and took off. Irony?

Then there's more casual racism as Sun brings her husband some tea and a white woman makes fun of her thinking that Sun doesn't understand English. Not that it would be OK otherwise, but it's especially weird because Sun spills some tea on Jin and the woman mocks her for cleaning  it up. White People: We're The Worst!

Sadly, the tiny bottle of vodka does not appear in this episode.
Look, there were a lot of flashbacks, and this was the only consistent character in all of them.

THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
  • Apparently the official name for the crash survivors is the Losties? Fucking stab me in the eyeball if I ever use that term non-ironically. 
  • We have yet to meet the Tailies and the Frighties. Fucking hell, do I hate fandom nicknames.
  • I can't believe it took me almost an entire season to make a Cloverfield reference. I mean, it's right there!
  • Lots of story lines wrap up this week and next. I like it a lot, the show goes through major changes every season, and they do a great job of clearing the slate this week, so we can set up all the new stuff next week. 
I hope that someone gets his, I hope that someone gets his, I hope that someone gets his, I hope that someone gets his, I hope that someone gets his, I hope that someone gets his,
Charlie is sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS

FENWAY PARK
  • WALT!
  • That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series (not featured)

I lost my shit at this reveal the first time I watched this show.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Born to Run

WHY AM I WATCHING BORN TO RUN?

In which I put my head down and power through this so I can get to the season finale.

I fucking hate that plane.
Kate ruins everything. And climbs tress. And sadly waggles a plane around.

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Greater Good

WHY AM I WATCHING THE GREATER GOOD?

In which the flashback mirrors life on the island, but not in a way that's interesting or compelling in any way.

I know I say this a lot, but Lost really should have been called Pretty People and Their Sad Eyes.
How I felt when the episode was over.