Because it's 2004, and America is ga-ga for torture! In our entertainment AND in our foreign policy, we can't get enough of seeing people beaten until they tell us what we want to hear!
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| An Iraqi and a French woman in a Mexican standoff. |
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Solitary
WHY AM I WATCHING SOLITARY?
Because it's 2004, and America is ga-ga for torture! In our entertainment AND in our foreign policy, we can't get enough of seeing people beaten until they tell us what we want to hear!
Because it's 2004, and America is ga-ga for torture! In our entertainment AND in our foreign policy, we can't get enough of seeing people beaten until they tell us what we want to hear!
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Confidence Man
WHY AM I WATCHING CONFIDENCE MAN?
In which she is all "Ah love you, Remy!" And Sawyer is all "Aw haw haw! Spicy Crawdad!"
In which she is all "Ah love you, Remy!" And Sawyer is all "Aw haw haw! Spicy Crawdad!"
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| Don't you EVER compare me to Gambit! |
Monday, July 20, 2015
Post Atomic Horror 232
WHY AM I WATCHING DEEP SPACE NINE?
Because it's awesome, that's why.
Because it's awesome, that's why.
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| Hush, keep it down now. Voices carry, |
Thursday, July 16, 2015
The Moth
WHY AM I WATCHING THE MOTH?
In which Charlie's brother may be a butterfly, but Charlie is a moth and those guys are way cooler.
THE ISLAND
Charlie's heroin withdrawal is getting worse, but Locke is there to help him through it. Cuddly, hugable, friend to all knives Locke. He suggests going for a walk, thinking the fresh air will do Charlie some good. Charlie is all "Sod off, old man!" then he goes for a walk anyways. While he's out a boar decides to mess with him and starts chasing him around. Luckily, Charlie leads the pig into one of Locke's patented Pig Traps. Well, lucky for Charlie. And the island full of hungry survivors. Not so lucky for the boar. Charlie has had enough of this stupid island and it's dumb monsters and just wants his drugs back. Locke tells Charlie he can ask for his drugs back three times, and after that he'll get them. I'm not really sure why. Locke does have a flair for the dramatic, I suppose.
So Jack moves his stuff into the caves. Charlie tries to help, but ends up spilling doctor things all over the ground. Then Jack stubs his toe on Charlie's guitar and yells at him to clean up his stuff. Charlie doesn't appreciate being treated like a child, and tells Jack so, in the loudest possible way. "I'm a rock god!" he shouts. Then a bunch of rocks fall on their head. This is why you don't piss off the island, Charlie.
Charlie is a little bruised, but otherwise he's fine. Jack, on the other hand, is buried in the rubble. Nobody wants Charlie to help dig him out, though. They tell him to go get Kate. Because that's the best way to make a guy feel useful. Have him drive the Ford Pinto. Charlie runs to the beach, but the Pinto isn't there. Luckily he finds a couple of F-150s instead. And Boone, who is a Focus, I guess. This metaphor is getting away from me. Charlie leads a big group of people back to the caves. Michael even used to work construction, so he knows the best, safest way to get Jack out. Charlie decides it's been a rough morning and he needs a little something to take the edge off.
Locke is outside starting prep for dinner. Chopping the onions, portioning the seasonings, ripping the skin off a pig. Stuff like that. When Charlie asks him for the heroin, he gets a moth cocoon instead. Locke tells Charlie how the moth is struggling to get out right now, and he could cut the cocoon open and set it free, but the struggle will make it stronger. The moth needs to dig it's way out on it's own. Unlike me, Charlie understands how metaphors work and volunteers to go into the cave and dig out Jack.
So, Charlie shimmies through the hole they made, but it collapses behind him. Now they're both trapped. Great job, Chuck. This is when the withdrawal symptoms start hitting Charlie hard. Jack lets Charlie know he knows whats going on, and when they get out of this, he's going to help. That's when Charlie sees that a moth has flown in there with them. He follows the moth to a tiny hole that leads up to the surface. His transformation from drug addicted caterpillar to comic relief moth completed, Charlie starts to dig his way to freedom.
That night at the campfire, Charlie's withdrawal is at its worst and he asks Locke for his stash. Locke is disappointed, but gives it to him. Charlie then chucks it into the fire. Locke is very proud of Charlie now, and they watch a moth fly off into the night. The moth is then eaten by a bat. The bat is then eaten by a Mothra, because this island is fucked up.
While that's all going on, Sayid has come up with a way to track the French woman's radio signal. But he needs more power for the radio. Luckily Kate knows where she can find the battery to an Apple Lisa. Unfortunately it's with Sawyer. She starts berating him for no real reason, but since he's such a swell guy, he gives her the battery free of charge. He's nice out of spite, which is hilarious to me.
Electricity now acquired, Sayid needs to plant radio receivers at different points on the island, so he can triangulate the signal. That means he's going to need Kate and Boone's help. Oh boy. This won't end well. The timing needs to be perfect for this to work, so they're going to shoot off bottle rockets when they're in position. This is a pretty cool way to communicate with each other across the island, until you stop to wonder why there were fireworks on the plane in the first place.
So, they head off, and that's why Kate isn't there when Charlie shows up with news about Jack. Sawyer though, being the nice guy that he is runs to find her. But when he does, she starts laying into him again. So Sawyer decides he's not going to tell her now. Which is mean, but fuck her. She was an asshole first.
The first receiver is on the beach. The second one needs to be put up high in a tree. For some reason Sawyer does this, while Kate sits down to enjoy some Hydrox and wash it down with New Coke. While Sayid goes off to place the last one, Kate and Sawyer have a little heart to heart. That's when he lets it slip that Jack is in trouble. She puts on her Very Sad face and dead arm runs into the jungle, leaving Sawyer with the radio. But the plan works. Everyone turns on their radios at the right time, Sayid gets a signal and starts to figure out where it's coming from. Then someone off camera bonks him over the head with a frying pan.
THE FLASHBACK
Charlie is filling in some guy about the debauchery after the previous evening's rock and roll concert. Some guy who is a priest. And they're in a confessional. So Charlie decides that the best thing for his spiritual well being is that he has to quit the band. Naturally his brother, Liam Gallagher, is waiting outside the door holding up a contract that reads "MAJOR RECORD DEAL. PRICE: ONE SOUL" Charlie still wants to quit, but Liam convinces him to stay, telling Charlie that without him, the band is nothing. Charlie says he'll sign, but only if he can quit at any time and Liam agrees. I'm sure this will all turn out fine.
And the band is a smash hit. Dick Clark AND Casey Kasem are playing the number one song of the summer, You All Everybody. The kids can't get enough Driveshaft. But on stage, Liam starts singing Charlie's parts. And Charlie is PISSED. Later in the tour, Liam misses sound check because he's all doped up on goofballs. Charlie is done, he's ready to walk away and Liam flips the fuck out. He berates Charlie into staying telling him that without the band, Charlie is nothing. Who could have seen this coming?
A few years go by. The band has broken up. Liam has cleaned himself up and has a wife and an Australian baby. Charlie pays them a visit, which at first seems like just a social call. Then Charlie drops the news that he's got a Driveshaft reunion tour all lined up, but it can't happen without Liam. Unfortunately Liam likes his beautiful house and his beautiful wife. He likes not waking up every day wondering how did he get here. Charlie does not take this news well. He starts to tell his brother off, and that's when Liam realizes that Charlie is still using drugs and is probably high right now. He tries to help, but that just makes Charlie even madder. He tells Liam to "piss off, bloody wanker" or some other exceedingly British curse words, and storms off.
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
THE CATCHPHRASES
In which Charlie's brother may be a butterfly, but Charlie is a moth and those guys are way cooler.
 |
| He makes this face a lot. |
Charlie's heroin withdrawal is getting worse, but Locke is there to help him through it. Cuddly, hugable, friend to all knives Locke. He suggests going for a walk, thinking the fresh air will do Charlie some good. Charlie is all "Sod off, old man!" then he goes for a walk anyways. While he's out a boar decides to mess with him and starts chasing him around. Luckily, Charlie leads the pig into one of Locke's patented Pig Traps. Well, lucky for Charlie. And the island full of hungry survivors. Not so lucky for the boar. Charlie has had enough of this stupid island and it's dumb monsters and just wants his drugs back. Locke tells Charlie he can ask for his drugs back three times, and after that he'll get them. I'm not really sure why. Locke does have a flair for the dramatic, I suppose.
So Jack moves his stuff into the caves. Charlie tries to help, but ends up spilling doctor things all over the ground. Then Jack stubs his toe on Charlie's guitar and yells at him to clean up his stuff. Charlie doesn't appreciate being treated like a child, and tells Jack so, in the loudest possible way. "I'm a rock god!" he shouts. Then a bunch of rocks fall on their head. This is why you don't piss off the island, Charlie.
Charlie is a little bruised, but otherwise he's fine. Jack, on the other hand, is buried in the rubble. Nobody wants Charlie to help dig him out, though. They tell him to go get Kate. Because that's the best way to make a guy feel useful. Have him drive the Ford Pinto. Charlie runs to the beach, but the Pinto isn't there. Luckily he finds a couple of F-150s instead. And Boone, who is a Focus, I guess. This metaphor is getting away from me. Charlie leads a big group of people back to the caves. Michael even used to work construction, so he knows the best, safest way to get Jack out. Charlie decides it's been a rough morning and he needs a little something to take the edge off.
Locke is outside starting prep for dinner. Chopping the onions, portioning the seasonings, ripping the skin off a pig. Stuff like that. When Charlie asks him for the heroin, he gets a moth cocoon instead. Locke tells Charlie how the moth is struggling to get out right now, and he could cut the cocoon open and set it free, but the struggle will make it stronger. The moth needs to dig it's way out on it's own. Unlike me, Charlie understands how metaphors work and volunteers to go into the cave and dig out Jack.
So, Charlie shimmies through the hole they made, but it collapses behind him. Now they're both trapped. Great job, Chuck. This is when the withdrawal symptoms start hitting Charlie hard. Jack lets Charlie know he knows whats going on, and when they get out of this, he's going to help. That's when Charlie sees that a moth has flown in there with them. He follows the moth to a tiny hole that leads up to the surface. His transformation from drug addicted caterpillar to comic relief moth completed, Charlie starts to dig his way to freedom.
That night at the campfire, Charlie's withdrawal is at its worst and he asks Locke for his stash. Locke is disappointed, but gives it to him. Charlie then chucks it into the fire. Locke is very proud of Charlie now, and they watch a moth fly off into the night. The moth is then eaten by a bat. The bat is then eaten by a Mothra, because this island is fucked up.
While that's all going on, Sayid has come up with a way to track the French woman's radio signal. But he needs more power for the radio. Luckily Kate knows where she can find the battery to an Apple Lisa. Unfortunately it's with Sawyer. She starts berating him for no real reason, but since he's such a swell guy, he gives her the battery free of charge. He's nice out of spite, which is hilarious to me.
Electricity now acquired, Sayid needs to plant radio receivers at different points on the island, so he can triangulate the signal. That means he's going to need Kate and Boone's help. Oh boy. This won't end well. The timing needs to be perfect for this to work, so they're going to shoot off bottle rockets when they're in position. This is a pretty cool way to communicate with each other across the island, until you stop to wonder why there were fireworks on the plane in the first place.
So, they head off, and that's why Kate isn't there when Charlie shows up with news about Jack. Sawyer though, being the nice guy that he is runs to find her. But when he does, she starts laying into him again. So Sawyer decides he's not going to tell her now. Which is mean, but fuck her. She was an asshole first.
The first receiver is on the beach. The second one needs to be put up high in a tree. For some reason Sawyer does this, while Kate sits down to enjoy some Hydrox and wash it down with New Coke. While Sayid goes off to place the last one, Kate and Sawyer have a little heart to heart. That's when he lets it slip that Jack is in trouble. She puts on her Very Sad face and dead arm runs into the jungle, leaving Sawyer with the radio. But the plan works. Everyone turns on their radios at the right time, Sayid gets a signal and starts to figure out where it's coming from. Then someone off camera bonks him over the head with a frying pan.
 |
| Throw your hands in the air for some high fives! |
THE FLASHBACK
Charlie is filling in some guy about the debauchery after the previous evening's rock and roll concert. Some guy who is a priest. And they're in a confessional. So Charlie decides that the best thing for his spiritual well being is that he has to quit the band. Naturally his brother, Liam Gallagher, is waiting outside the door holding up a contract that reads "MAJOR RECORD DEAL. PRICE: ONE SOUL" Charlie still wants to quit, but Liam convinces him to stay, telling Charlie that without him, the band is nothing. Charlie says he'll sign, but only if he can quit at any time and Liam agrees. I'm sure this will all turn out fine.
And the band is a smash hit. Dick Clark AND Casey Kasem are playing the number one song of the summer, You All Everybody. The kids can't get enough Driveshaft. But on stage, Liam starts singing Charlie's parts. And Charlie is PISSED. Later in the tour, Liam misses sound check because he's all doped up on goofballs. Charlie is done, he's ready to walk away and Liam flips the fuck out. He berates Charlie into staying telling him that without the band, Charlie is nothing. Who could have seen this coming?
A few years go by. The band has broken up. Liam has cleaned himself up and has a wife and an Australian baby. Charlie pays them a visit, which at first seems like just a social call. Then Charlie drops the news that he's got a Driveshaft reunion tour all lined up, but it can't happen without Liam. Unfortunately Liam likes his beautiful house and his beautiful wife. He likes not waking up every day wondering how did he get here. Charlie does not take this news well. He starts to tell his brother off, and that's when Liam realizes that Charlie is still using drugs and is probably high right now. He tries to help, but that just makes Charlie even madder. He tells Liam to "piss off, bloody wanker" or some other exceedingly British curse words, and storms off.
 |
| Anyway, here's Wonderwall. |
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
- You All Everybody gets stuck in my head a lot. My apologies to everyone who has overheard me singing it.
- Boone screws up this week by leaving his useless sister in charge of the radio while he goes to dig out Jack.
- Geez, this one was long. There was a lot happening, though. Great episode overall.
 |
| Dusting the pork is a euphemism that never quite took off. |
THE CATCHPHRASES
- You all everybody
Thursday, July 9, 2015
House of the Rising Sun
WHY AM I WATCHING HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN?
Charlie needs to put away the heroin before the heroin puts him away and Jin might as well be walkin over Sun.
Charlie needs to put away the heroin before the heroin puts him away and Jin might as well be walkin over Sun.
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| What, did you think I would only make one Smash Mouth joke during this project? |
Thursday, July 2, 2015
White Rabbit
WHY AM I WATCHING WHITE RABBIT?
A sci-fi TV character with daddy issues? The devil, you say! Wait, that might be a spoiler.
Also, Jackface. So much Jackface.
A sci-fi TV character with daddy issues? The devil, you say! Wait, that might be a spoiler.
Also, Jackface. So much Jackface.
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| Either he's sad, or someone farted. |
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