In which the flashback mirrors life on the island, but not in a way that's interesting or compelling in any way.
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| How I felt when the episode was over. |
THE ISLAND
Jack is fucking pissed. He's convinced that if he had known what ACTUALLY happened to Boone, he could have been saved. That's not true, of course. But Jack has to blame someone for his failures, and that someone is Locke. So he starts running around the jungle in circles looking for Locke, until Kate manages to convince him that he's getting nowhere, and he should go home and take a nap. Jack goes home, he does not take a nap.
First it's time for Boone's funeral. His Booneral. I think Maggie Grace is supposed to look sad here, but she's just got the same blank, bitchy look on her face that she always has. No one wants to say anything, but Sayid wants to impress his new girlfriend, so he tells the story about that time Boone killed a woman because he was a bad swimmer. This is apparently to show how brave Boone was? I don't know. It's awkward. Then it's really awkward because Locke shows up, still covered in Boone's blood. He starts to explain what happened, but Jack decides to continue the discussion with his fists. Don't you understand? Locke lied! To him! Then the adrenaline wears off, and the blood/sleep loss take over, and Jack faceplants into the sand. So, that's a win for Locke. Kate takes him back to his tent, and when Jack still refuses to rest, she hits him with some knockout gas. I guess The Riddler was also on the plane?
Shannon goes to Sayid and says "Remember how you said you'd help me however you could? Cool. I need you to kill John Locke." And Sayid is all "What? No! That's not... What I mean is... fine..." And he goes looking for Locke. He asks Locke to take him to this plane he's heard so much about. Maybe this alleged radio can be useful. Then we get what's probably the only good sequence in the episode. Sayid and Locke walk through the jungle. Sayid is asking about the accident, and Locke knows he's being interrogated (but he thinks Jack is behind it). Sayid knows Locke is lying about parts of it,(specifically why Locke couldn't climb the cliff to help Boone) but doesn't let on, it's great writing and great acting. They get to the Beachcraft and Locke asks Sayid why he doesn't trust him. Sayid says "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the gun that's been in your pocket this whole time?" Locke laughs it off "Oh, this old thing? I took it off a skeleton priest. Here you go." and he hands Sayid the gun. Then Locke lets it slip that he was the one who bonked Sayid on the head way back in episode 7 when they were tracking Rousseau's signal. Sayid does not take this news well. To be fair, Locke does have good reasoning. They were walking to a thing that just says "It killed them all" over and over again. But he probably could have expressed his objections a little better. That's when Sayid asks Locke about the hatch. Locke says that he has no idea what Sayid is talking about. So, you failed that test, big guy.
Jack wakes up from his skillet nap and surprise surprise, Kate fucked things up again. While Jack was asleep, someone stole the key to the ZERO Halliburton brand suitcase that has all the guns from around his neck. Jack thinks it's Locke, because of course he does. The guy has got 10,000 knives, but what he really needs is a gun with two bullets. No, it's Shannon because that's a thing that makes sense. Killing someone is totally within character for her. Bitchy sorority girls are always killing dudes and not manipulating some poor sap into doing their dirty work for them. It's almost as though we didn't see Shannon do that exact thing multiple times. But no, it's time for a Lost Brand Rain Fight instead. There's a showdown. Shannon shoots Locke, but Sayid tackles her in time and it's only a slight wound. Even though Locke grabbed his gut and doubled over like he was shot in the stomach, the bullet just barely grazed his temple. The whole thing is hella dumb. That night Sayid and Locke are talking and Sayid says "I only saved you because you're our best hope for survival. I don't like you. I don't trust you. Now, take me to this goddamn hatch." Locke acts like he doesn't know what Sayid is talking about. Lesson learned.
Claire also won't sleep. So Charlie all but forces her to give him the baby so she can get a nap. It's mildly uncomfortable watching Charlie mansplain to Claire that she needs to sleep, but she agrees after not too long. Once Charlie has taken him far enough away, the baby starts crying and won't stop. Charlie tries everything. He rocks and coos the baby, he sings pop songs, he sings his favorite nursery rhyme "The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout/ Down came the rain and drowned the spider out/ The spider realized it wasn't Penny's boat/ And the Itsy Bitsy Spider went to the flash-sideways universe." Somehow he figures out that the sound of Sawyer's voice puts the kid to sleep, and I guess hilarity ensues.
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| Locke. Dude. Change your shirt. |
So this is all about Sayid's inability to save his friend Essam, which is supposed to be a good juxtaposition to how he saved Shannon, but it's not. I mean, it's not the most ham fisted thing I've ever watched, but it's up there. It also involves our Iraqi hero joining a terrorist cell. So there's that. Furthermore, Naveen Andrews never looks more Indian than when he's standing next to actual Arabic people. OK, let's get this over with.
Sayid is being led through Heathrow airport in handcuffs, so we're already off to a great start. Turns out he didn't do anything wrong, the CIA just wanted to say hi. They want him to infiltrate a terrorist cell in Australia because a buddy of his from high school, Essam, is in it. Sayid helps them get their stolen C4 back, and the CIA tells him where his girlfriend Nadia is. Everyone wins. So, Sayid heads to Melbourne. He meets his friend, becomes a member of the cell, everything is going swimmingly. But Essam is starting to have second thoughts. So, Sayid goes to his CIA handlers and tries to get them both extracted. But the CIA doesn't go for it. They need the explosives back, or else someone else is just going to use them. So, Sayid has to go back and convince his friend that he absolutely should blow up himself and civilians in the name of Allah.
The big day comes. Sayid and Essam are in a van full of C4. That's when Sayid comes clean and tells Essam what's up. He's going to give Essam time to get away before calling the CIA, but this C4 is going to go back to the hands of the U.S. Army where it can blow things up for freedom. Essam does not take things well. It's even worse when he finds out that Sayid has been manipulating him just so he can find a woman. So, Essam shoots his own face off. The CIA rushes in to clean up. Nadia is living it up in California, so they give Sayid tickets for the next flight out of there. But Sayid wants to give Essam a proper funeral, so he bumps his flight back a few days and ends up on Oceanic flight 815. I hope it was worth it.
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
- This was not a good week you guys. There were a lot of poor choices being made in the script, but the biggest one of all was that it was just so boring.
- Seriously, I couldn't even get enough screencaps, I was so bored
- And next week is a Kate episode. Goddamnit.
- Kid's nursery rhymes are creepy as fuck. Ring Around the Rosie is about the Black Death. There's a song about a baby plummeting to it's death because someone left the cradle in a goddamn tree. Why do we sing these things?
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| It's like his head is just resting on his shoulders. Did he leave his neck at home? |
FENWAY PARK
- I didn't notice any catchphrases this week, so please enjoy this video of one of the times the Red Sox won the World Series.
- No, I will not let this go.
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