Charlie needs to put away the heroin before the heroin puts him away and Jin might as well be walkin over Sun.
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| What, did you think I would only make one Smash Mouth joke during this project? |
Before we get started, this episode focuses on the Korean couple. Their names are Sun and Jin. I'm only mentioning this because I am having a fuck of a time trying to remember who's names I should and should not know by now. And since this episode is about Korean Douchebag and his put upon wife, I feel safe in assuming I can start referring to them by their real names now.
THE ISLAND
Right off the bat, the episode is getting on my nerves (and Charlie agrees with me) when Jack and Kate are flirting like a couple of high schoolers. It's annoying, but at least she has a personality now. Jack is putting together an adventuring party to check out those sweet caves from last week. We've got Jack, the brains. Locke, the muscle. Charlie, the comic relief. And Kate, the one who will get off that beach every goddamn chance she gets. Luckily, they head off into the jungle to be a B-plot, and we can watch Jin beat the shit out of a fish. Seriously. The guy grabs a fish out of the ocean and just starts slamming it against a log.
Down at the ocean, Michael is playing with Walt and Vincent. Jin gets bored of the fish and decides to beat the shit out of Michael instead. And he goes to town on him. It is a BRUTAL fight. Though, "fight" implies that Michael was getting some punches in. Nope, this was a pure beat down. Eventually Sayid and Sawyer break it up. They put Jin is in the handcuffs that Sawyer apparently always has on him. We're just going to let that one slide for now.
Jin is handcuffed to a piece of the plane and we're starting to get the feeling that Sayid is pretty good at the whole enhanced interrogation thing. The show does a really good job of showing how isolated Sun and Jin are because of the language barrier. Sun is pointing at her wrist and Sayid is all "Nope! The cuffs stay on until we figure out what is going on!" Then the camera zooms in on Michael's watch. I'm sure that won't be important.
Michael is off chopping wood and Sun comes to talk to him and try to smooth everything over. Which she can do because she can speak English. Whaaaaaaaa--?? Jin doesn't know this, which is why she has do talk to Michael in secret. She explains that the watch belongs to Sun's father and Jin needs to kill Michael and get it back as a matter of honor. Which is totally not racist, who said that it is? So Michael flips the fuck out and yells at Jin while brandishing an ax. It's super hammy and super amazing. He found the watch on the beach, but Jin can have it because they're stuck on an island so who gives a fuck what time it is? Then he cuts Jin free, warning him to stay away from him and his boy.
While this is going on, Jack, Charlie, Locke, and a sexy lamp are getting water from the cave. But when Charlie sneaks off to go and eat some heroin, he steps in a beehive and gets a hunny jar stuck on his head. Locke, of course knows exactly what to do and shouts "Bees! Now freeze!" But Charlie is terrified of bad CGI bees and tries to run away, cracking open the hive and spilling the bees everywhere. This causes Jack and Kate to take their shirts off because these Neilsens aren't going to rate themselves! Everyone runs away from the bees and Jack trips over a pair of napping skeletons, who he names Adam and Steve.
Jack keeps going on and on about how great the caves are and how Adam and Steve probably lived there, and how he can start building a rec room next summer. Kate is less than enthusiastic because she sees something good and her instinct is to run as far away from it as she can. And when they get back to the beach, Sayid agrees and starts recruiting people to stay where they are. This happens a lot on this show where Jack has a good idea and everyone tells him how stupid and wrong he is. Hurly is going to go. Michael is going to stay, and Sawyer and Kevin Costner are going to be the swing vote.
Locke and Charlie stay up at the caves through all of this. Charlie because he wants to do some heroin, and Locke because he wants to hit Charlie on the nose with a rolled up newspaper every time he tries to do heroin. Locke convinces Charlie that the island is a special place and will give him everything he wants, but he has to give something up first. Charlie hands Locke his heroin and the island returns Charlie's guitar to him, safe and sound. Or it was just sitting off camera the whole time and Charlie just wasn't looking in the right direction. Science vs faith and all that.
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| All right,stop. Collaborate and listen. |
THE FLASHBACK
We start out focusing on Sun's watch, because there's a lot of that going around this week. She's at some fancy pants party, but she doesn't have pants. So it's more of a fancy dress party But some people have pants on. So it's kind of a fancy clothes party? But that makes it seem like it's about the clothes. I'm not sure what the party is about. It could be about the clothes, I guess. What was I talking about? Sun. Right. She's got long hair, so you know this was some time ago. She's making shmoopy eyes at the waiter, who leans in to reveal that he is Jin! So there's your meet cute. They're all gross and in love. Sun wants to elope, but Jin won't because her father wouldn't approve, which makes me think that Jin doesn't know what eloping is. Avoiding parental input is kind of the point, dude.
So he talks to Sun's father, who gives his approval, but only if Jin comes to work for him. Jin thinks this is great, a stable job, a girl he loves, what could go wrong? Sun is.... less enthusiastic. You can tell that several years go by because Sun's dog gets bigger and her hair gets smaller. One night Jin gets home late from work, covered in blood. It probably wouldn't look as bad if he wasn't wearing a white shirt, but sometimes you don't go to work knowing you're going to beat the shit out of a guy. Apparently Sun's father is an executive for EvilCorp? They must be one of those companies that makes the pollution factories that Captain Planet was always blowing up. Captain Planet, destroyer of capitalism. Sun rather understandably wants to know what happened, and Jin isn't saying anything. All she gets out of him is that his job is to do whatever her father says. That's when Sun decides that she needs to get herself away from this place.
Or not. She hires a decorator to redo the living room. BUT WHAT'S THIS? It turns out the decorator is actually a fake ID saleswoman! There's something I find delightful about a person who sells new identities using a fake identity. I'm not just the president, I'm also a client. She makes sure that Sun has been practicing her English, and knows the plan. Sun and Jin are about to take their big world tour. When they're at the Sydney airport, Sun will point in one direction but run in another. Then her family will think that she was kidnapped or died or whatever and she can go on to live a new life. Jin yells about how the dog crapped on the rug.
At the airport though, as Jack pleads with the ticket agent in the background, Sun is having second thoughts. Saul's guy with the van is right outside, but Sun can't bring herself to leave just yet. She gives Jin one last look, and he smiles at her. He gives her a white flower, and in this brief moment she sees the man she once loved and decides to stay with him. Then the plane crash lands on a tropical island with dinosaurs and polar bears. Enjoy your loveless marriage, Sun.
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| Hello, my name is Smug Handsomeman |
- Taking notes is hard when half the episode is in subtitles.
- We'll get to it more in a few weeks, but honestly I find Jin's backstory to be the least believable part of this show. And this show has evil numbers.
- No Boone this week, which is a shame because "Boone is terrible and makes everything worse" is quickly becoming my favorite running gag.
- It's neat that Hurly made himself a mix CD of thematically appropriate music.
- Also, I learned this week that I find a Discman to be hilarious.
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| Look at that thing! It's ridiculous! |
THE CATCHPHRASES
- My boy
- We live together or we die alone
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