Tabula Rasa

WHY AM I WATCHING TABULA RASA?

Remember last week when I said I was going to take it easier on Kate? Well, this episode is all about her. So much for that plan.

The. Worst.

THE ISLAND

Jack is still trying to save the marshal. And he's still going on about how dangerous "she" is. Jack wants to know who, and the marshal shows him a totally real mugshot of Kate and not just a photocopied picture of Evangeline Lily. Jack makes what can only be described as a Jackface. He looks like he's constipated and someone keeps slapping his taint. We're going to see a lot of Jackfaces over the next seven years. Hurley also sees the mugshot, presumably so that Jack will have someone to talk to about it.

Team Radio meanwhile, is making camp for the night. Sawyer wants to keep going, but they remind him that jungles are scary at night. Jungles with Godzillas in them, even more so. They all pinkie swear not to tell the others about French Radio Lady. The SECOND they get back, Kate goes running to tell Jack. The. Worst. Before that though, in the middle of the night, Boone decides he's the most trustworthy one and should hold the gun. He proves this by stealing the gun and clip while everyone is asleep. For whatever reason this doesn't sit well with the rest of the group. They think that sweet, innocent Kate should hold the gun. BECAUSE IRONY! Ugh. The. Worst.

Yeah, so they get back and Sayid starts being useful, dividing the castaways into groups, preparing for a long term stay. Kate goes off to make Sad Eyes at Jack and totally not awkwardly ask if the marshal is alive or talking or going to arrest anyone. And Jack is all "I thought I loved you, Girl I've Known for 12 Hours, but now I don't even know you!" and storms off. Then the marshal's condition worsens and Jack decides to go looking for medicine among the dead in the plane's fuselage. There he finds some useful pills, along with Sawyer who is looking to set up the island's Red Light District. They yell at each other for a bit, in case you didn't realize yet that they are antagonists.

Then Kate loses a fight to a dying man. Yep. She sure is a stone cold bad ass. The marshal is dying and everyone knows it. So Sawyer decides to do what Jack won't. What happens next can only be described as a comedy euthanasia scene. Sawyer shoots the marshal and misses, making his slow and painful death even slower and more painful. So, Jack finishes the job more humanly.

The next morning, Kate wants to tell Jack about all the crimes she's crimed and Jack does a whole passive aggressive "whatever, I don't even care" thing. So instead they just sit there and look sad in opposite directions.

There's also a subplot involving Michael looking for Vincent. He needs to find the dog so that his son will stop hanging out with Locke, because the whole situation creeps him out a bit. He's walking though the jungle, when a pig starts chasing him. Then some boobs happen. Meanwhile, Locke just whittles himself a dog whistle and Vincent comes a-runnin. But Locke is a good guy, so he leaves Vincent tied up out of sight, so that Michael can be the hero. Well, we think he's a good guy until the very end when the camera closes in on his face while ominous music plays.

Jack would be the guy who wears his shoes to the beach

THE FLASHBACK

Now that we're done with the set up, we can settle comfortably into the formula. A nice, long multi-scene flashback about one character. We start off in a barn where an elderly Australian farmer is waking up Kate. Presumably, she ate Babe for dinner last night. She tells him her name is Annie. The farmer asks if she's OK. She gives him the run around. Lots of evasive double talk and things that we the audience know are outright lies. Rather than kick her out or call the cops, he offers her a job. He also tells her that he has one arm. This will not be relevant.

Next scene could be a week later, could be three years, no man can say. But Farmer Hoggett catches "Annie" sneaking out in the middle of the night. They have a heart to heart. The farmer asks Annie to stay one night and he'll drive her to the train in the morning. "Everyone deserves a fresh start." Smash cut to Kate crouching over the dying marshal. Subtlety was never this show's strong suit.

The next morning, they are driving down Rockatansky Memorial Highway. Farmer Hoggett is acting not at all suspicious. Kate finally figures out that she's been made, and the farmer needs the reward money. The marshal takes a second to gloat, so Kate takes a second to grab the wheel and flip the truck. Way to escape, Escapey. Instead of running away, Kate drags the farmer from the wreckage, because she's got a heart of gold or whatever. The marshal uses this opportunity to stick a gun into the side of her head. Don't tease me like this, show. Are we done now? Can we move on to someone more interesting next week? Can Kate just go back into the trees where she belongs? Ugh. Kate ruins everything. And climbs trees.

Finger guns. Always a sign of class.

THE RANDOM THOUGHTS

• There are a lot more jokey jokes in this episode.
• In these early episodes anyway, Sawyer is coming off less the lovable rouge I remember and more just an insufferable ass. 
• There's also a C plot that tries to lighten up Korean Douchebag. But, honestly it just makes him look even more emotionally manipulative and horrible.
• Seriously, though. Kate is the worst. She barely takes any action in her own episode. Farmer Hoggett is the one who makes all the decisions in the flashback. On the island, Sawyer kills the marshal. Jack is even the one who decides if she comes clean about her past. All Kate ever does is stand around and look sad. Why should I care about a character's story if she doesn't?
• OK, NEXT week I'm going to take it easier on Kate. I swear.
• Also, next week is one of the best episodes the series has done. No pressure.

Charlie got his knuckle tattoos in library prison.

THE CATCHPHRASES
I'm starting to think the catchphrases on this show aren't as prominent as I remembered. The two this week barely count, both from Sawyer.

• Freckles
• DAMMIT!