And now, the conclusion.
THE ISLAND
We start the episode right where we left off, with Jack, Charlie, and Kate a-walking through the forest, laughing back and forth at what the other has to say. It's basically just a recap of the last 10 minutes of the previous episode, on the off chance some ABC executive decided to split the episode into two parts for no real reason. Charlie is really down on himself for reasons I will get into later. They get back to the beach where Shannon is just chilling out being eye candy. Boone yells at her. Basically they're setting the stage for their relationship for the rest of the season. Most of this episode is spent establishing character relationships, actually. It probably plays better when the pilot was one episode, but we live in the future and now 6 hours of TV are one episode. What I'm saying is, the slower pace of this episode contrasts well with the fast paced action of the previous one.
Guy Who Can't Find Walt is on the beach looking for Walt. He comes across Korean Douchebag who acts like a douchebag. He does find Walt, but now he's got to go look for Vincent. Dude can not catch a break. While he's looking for the dog, he finds a pair of handcuffs. SOMEONE ON THIS ISLAND IS A MURDERER! Michael (I don't remember if we've learned his name yet, but the joke has run it's course) takes the handcuffs to the rest of the castaways and is all like "EVERYONE IS A SUSPECT!" Turns out there's only two suspects. Redneck and Iraqi. The later because it's 2004, and the former because come on, he's Sawyer. Dude is guilty of something. A completely precictable fight breaks out between the two of them. Luckily Jack gets back just as it is starting. This is going to do wonders for his control issues.
Jack needs someone to fix the plane's transceiver. Halfway through the episode and we're finally getting to the plot. Sawyer continues to be an insufferable ass. Sayid however can help. He used to be a military communications officer. With the Republican Guard. AWKwaaaaaard.
Anyways, fuck interesting character scenes, because here's five minutes of Kate in her underwear.
Sayid fixes the transceiver, but there is no reception. Time for another trek through the jungle. Sayid is the leader of this expedition, obviously. Kate is coming along, because Kate is always coming along. Shannon is coming to prove to her brother that she's useful (She's not) (But she kind of is). Boone joins up to prove that his sister is useless (and she pretty much is). And Sawyer is coming too because...who knows? He read a piece of paper that made him sad. What is it with this show and it's obsession with pretty people and their sad eyes!?! They're attacked by a polar bear.
Jack is doing his doctor thing with Hurly. It doesn't go well. In fact, Hurly is such a horrible nurse that the federal agent wakes up because of the pain. "Where is she?" he asks. He's very insistent.
Team Radio has figured out that the reason they can't transmit a distress call is because someone is already using up all the radio frequencies. Some French lady at that. She yells something in French, then there's a number. Luckily Shannon spent a summer banging French garçons, so she sort of understands what's going on. She translates it as "It killed them, it killed them all" Sayid used Dubious Math to figure out this same message has been going out on repeat for 16 years.
TL;DR: They're fucked.
THE FLASHBACK THE FLASHBACKS
Second episode and we're already messing with the format? OK, then. First, we see why Charlie was intent on getting into that bathroom. Turns out he left his heroin in there during the crash. As the scene starts, he's all antsy. The flight crew, rather than thinking he's just a nervous flier decided to get all suspicious and pointy. So Charlie hastily made his way to the bathroom to take the edge off. Then the plane's tail fell off. Personally, I would love to know how Charlie got that heroin on the plane, because I can't carry my salt shaker through security without getting questioned about it. Yes, I carry a salt shaker with me at all times. You never know when you're going to need salt.
The second flashback is at the end, and it's all about Kate. Goddamnit. We see that she was indeed sitting next to the currently perforated federal agent, BECAUSE SHE WAS THE CRIMINAL ALL ALONG! J'ACCUSE! But how could that be? She's so pretty! Anyways, we're supposed to feel bad for her I guess because the agent is kind of a dick, but I don't see why. What's he supposed to do, uncuff a dangerous fugitive who fled to the other side of the planet? But she has such sad eyes! When all hell breaks loose, she put his oxygen mask on for him. Whatever. I fucking hate Kate.
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
THE CATCHPHRASES
 |
| Somebody needs a hug. |
THE ISLAND
We start the episode right where we left off, with Jack, Charlie, and Kate a-walking through the forest, laughing back and forth at what the other has to say. It's basically just a recap of the last 10 minutes of the previous episode, on the off chance some ABC executive decided to split the episode into two parts for no real reason. Charlie is really down on himself for reasons I will get into later. They get back to the beach where Shannon is just chilling out being eye candy. Boone yells at her. Basically they're setting the stage for their relationship for the rest of the season. Most of this episode is spent establishing character relationships, actually. It probably plays better when the pilot was one episode, but we live in the future and now 6 hours of TV are one episode. What I'm saying is, the slower pace of this episode contrasts well with the fast paced action of the previous one.
Guy Who Can't Find Walt is on the beach looking for Walt. He comes across Korean Douchebag who acts like a douchebag. He does find Walt, but now he's got to go look for Vincent. Dude can not catch a break. While he's looking for the dog, he finds a pair of handcuffs. SOMEONE ON THIS ISLAND IS A MURDERER! Michael (I don't remember if we've learned his name yet, but the joke has run it's course) takes the handcuffs to the rest of the castaways and is all like "EVERYONE IS A SUSPECT!" Turns out there's only two suspects. Redneck and Iraqi. The later because it's 2004, and the former because come on, he's Sawyer. Dude is guilty of something. A completely precictable fight breaks out between the two of them. Luckily Jack gets back just as it is starting. This is going to do wonders for his control issues.
Jack needs someone to fix the plane's transceiver. Halfway through the episode and we're finally getting to the plot. Sawyer continues to be an insufferable ass. Sayid however can help. He used to be a military communications officer. With the Republican Guard. AWKwaaaaaard.
Anyways, fuck interesting character scenes, because here's five minutes of Kate in her underwear.
Sayid fixes the transceiver, but there is no reception. Time for another trek through the jungle. Sayid is the leader of this expedition, obviously. Kate is coming along, because Kate is always coming along. Shannon is coming to prove to her brother that she's useful (She's not) (But she kind of is). Boone joins up to prove that his sister is useless (and she pretty much is). And Sawyer is coming too because...who knows? He read a piece of paper that made him sad. What is it with this show and it's obsession with pretty people and their sad eyes!?! They're attacked by a polar bear.
Jack is doing his doctor thing with Hurly. It doesn't go well. In fact, Hurly is such a horrible nurse that the federal agent wakes up because of the pain. "Where is she?" he asks. He's very insistent.
Team Radio has figured out that the reason they can't transmit a distress call is because someone is already using up all the radio frequencies. Some French lady at that. She yells something in French, then there's a number. Luckily Shannon spent a summer banging French garçons, so she sort of understands what's going on. She translates it as "It killed them, it killed them all" Sayid used Dubious Math to figure out this same message has been going out on repeat for 16 years.
TL;DR: They're fucked.
 |
| Somebody REALLY needs a hug |
Second episode and we're already messing with the format? OK, then. First, we see why Charlie was intent on getting into that bathroom. Turns out he left his heroin in there during the crash. As the scene starts, he's all antsy. The flight crew, rather than thinking he's just a nervous flier decided to get all suspicious and pointy. So Charlie hastily made his way to the bathroom to take the edge off. Then the plane's tail fell off. Personally, I would love to know how Charlie got that heroin on the plane, because I can't carry my salt shaker through security without getting questioned about it. Yes, I carry a salt shaker with me at all times. You never know when you're going to need salt.
The second flashback is at the end, and it's all about Kate. Goddamnit. We see that she was indeed sitting next to the currently perforated federal agent, BECAUSE SHE WAS THE CRIMINAL ALL ALONG! J'ACCUSE! But how could that be? She's so pretty! Anyways, we're supposed to feel bad for her I guess because the agent is kind of a dick, but I don't see why. What's he supposed to do, uncuff a dangerous fugitive who fled to the other side of the planet? But she has such sad eyes! When all hell breaks loose, she put his oxygen mask on for him. Whatever. I fucking hate Kate.
 |
| Well, you're not going to get a hug with that attitude, Mister! |
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
 |
| OK, fine! No hug! |
- Moving forward, I'm going to try and not lean so heavily on the Kate is The Worst talk, but they make it so hard. This episode, specifically the flashback, is where they try and establish her as a badass, and she's just not. At all. And it would be one thing if she was someone like Shannon who is supposed to be terrible. But Kate is the second lead. The unfortunate love triangle starts here. I'll get into specifics later as they come up, but they keep on presenting her as a bad ass hero, then going out of their way to make her terrible.
- Speaking of Kate, there are a lot of butts in this episode.
- A lot of butts.
- I'm quoting directly from the Lostipedia here, but this bit of trivia is delightful. "When Sayid and Sawyer are fighting, Sayid says "Ibin al-Kalb" This is Arabic for "son of a dog" Sawyer's favorite expletive is 'son of a bitch' which is a female dog".
- Probably should have said this last week, but whatevs. I'm not a giant Lost nerd. I've only watched the series once before this. But I liked it a lot. And that's the perspective I want to bring to this blog. Not a superfan reviewing every minute detail and character beat, but just a dude who likes a show talking about a show he likes. So don't come at me with a bunch of nerd nonsense, because I don't care.
THE CATCHPHRASES
I didn't catch any this week. Feel free to tell me if I missed one. I'll just use my own instead. Kate ruins everything. And climbs trees.
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