In which ABC forgets to pay the electric bill.
Showing posts with label Lost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lost. Show all posts
Friday, June 17, 2016
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Man of Science, Man of Faith
WHY AM I WATCHING MAN OF SCIENCE, MAN OF FAITH?
In which there is a lot of running in place
In which there is a lot of running in place
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| Duhhhhhhhhhhhh |
Monday, March 14, 2016
Monday, February 22, 2016
Exodus, Part 1
WHY AM I WATCHING EXODUS, PART 1?
In which shit gets real.
THE ISLAND
Lost is back, guys! After two weeks of boring nonsense, the show is back on track as Michael and his gallant crew leave the island. But first Walt's gallant urine has to leave his body. But as he's watering the jungle, he sees a crazy French woman and her crazy French guns making her way to the camp. She comes with a warning. She was pregnant when she crashed on the island and after her daughter was born she saw a pillar of black smoke in the distance. Then some of Ethan's Others came and took her baby. Everyone awkwardly avoids making eye contact with Claire.
Jack, of course, says "What? No. That's stupid. You're stupid" and goes back to launching the raft. Everyone not building the raft has built a ramp for it, and it's time to shove the whole mess into the water. At least it was, until Sawyer breaks something. It's just stalling for time, but putting off the launch for another 30 minutes makes for a good ending of the episode, and Sawyer storming off sets up a nice scene for him and Jack, so I'll allow it. Of course that's when everyone sees a pillar of black smoke off in the horizon. So either the island just elected a new Pope, or the castaways are fucked.
Everyone starts to wonder where 40 people are all going to hide together and Locke is all "Yeah, about that...." Jack tells everyone the plan. Blow the hatch, then everyone hides underground until this whole thing blows over. But to do that, they'll need some of Rousseau's crazy French dynamite. She doesn't have any. To get more, they'll need to travel to the black rock in the heart of the Dark Territory. Everyone take this news in stride. After 44 days, they've all figured out -and I can not stress this enough- this island is fucking weird. So everyone suits up for a Jungle Mission. We've got Jack, Locke, and Rousseau obviously. Kate, because of course. Hurley because that makes as much sense as Kate, and Dr. Arzt the high school science teacher from last week. He's coming because he's the only person who knows how to handle dynamite. The exasperated, condescending way he teaches everyone his utterly delightful. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this guy in the upcoming seasons.
Before they go, Jack says goodbye to Sawyer. It's a real nice scene that showcases a lot of character growth for both of them. Jack gives Sawyer a gun, so that if food runs out, he can handle the situation. And Sawyer tells Jack about the time he met Jack's dad in a dingy dingo bar. Strangely, Jack's father's famous catchphrase, "That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series" doesn't come up. Seriously though, this is a great scene. I wish the two of them had more scenes like this together, instead of growling at Kate about which one of their dicks is bigger.
On the rest of the beach, Shannon is being a bitch, so Walt gives her Vincent. The dog helped him through his mom's death, now he can help her with Boone's. He's a good kid. Charlie is collecting messages for all the survivor's families to go on the raft. Locke declines to write one. I can't really blame him there. Sun has made Jin a little cheat sheet of English phrases to help him on the trip. They reconcile. It's really sweet. And so, Michael, Walt, Jin, and Sawyer set sail. Bound for California, or possibly Hawaii, or at least a cargo ship that won't run them over.
Back in the jungle, the group crosses over into the Dark Territory, and things get real creepy, real fast. Arzt, realizing he's a redshirt, decides to high tail it back to the beach. But changes his mind real quick when a Cloverfield starts chasing him. Kate leads most everyone right to a tree to hide in, but Locke grabs Hurley and they stay right were they are. Locke is convinced that the best way to outwit the monster is to just stay right were they are. And luckily for the SFX budget, that's exactly what happens. The monster wanders off before getting into camera range. Rousseau lets everyone know that the monster is a security system for the island, and quite frankly that just raises more questions. But there's no time for that! They've arrived at the black rock! Or to be more accurate, they've arrived at the Black Rock! It's not so much a rock as it is a giant shipwreck that is somehow in the middle of the jungle. I'm telling you, this island is fucking weird. Then, because someone decided to split this episode into two parts, and this is not a good place to take a break, we get a quick shot of the black smoke for the cliffhanger. LOST
THE FLASHBACK(S)
We get a bunch of little flashbacks this week that show what everyone was doing right before they got on the plane. It's actually a really good way to show how far the characters have come this season. We start out with Michael and Walt. It's 5 AM, and Walt wants to watch Power Rangers. Michael wants to sleep for a few more hours. He tries to compromise by asking Walt to turn down the sound, but Walt just turns it up instead. This turns into a huge fight, with Walt screaming that Michael isn't his father. It especially contrasts nice with the dissolve to Micheal and Walt on the beach sleeping next to each other.
Next we get Jack sitting in the airport bar. A young woman named Anna Lucia strikes up a conversation with him. We know that she's going to be important because she's Michelle Rodriguez and you don't fly a name actress to Hawaii and just have her film one minor scene. She's sitting in the back of the plane, though. So she's in the bottom of the Pacific now.
Time for Sawyer. We're seeing him right from the background of Boone's flashback. Last night Sawyer got wicked drunk and headbutted the Australian Prime Minister, the cops took him in and found out his real identity, and now he's being deported. I'm pretty sure deportation isn't handled by local beat cops, but maybe they do things different down there. Anyways, Sawyer is told he's no longer welcome in Australia, so that just makes me assume that all the airports have a picture of Josh Holloway's face inside the "no" symbol.
Next up is Kate. You know, I really don't want to sit here and repeat myself about how Kate ruins everything and climbs trees. But then the show needs to stop repeating itself too. There's nothing new here. We already knew the Marshall was a dick. We knew that stupid toy plane is important to her, and where it came from. And we already knew that Kate is Pure and Innocent and Good, and only did What She Had to in Order to Protect Herself. And she's had no character growth all season, so there's nothing to contrast it with. If you're not going to give us something new, then don't even bother. Also, this is the longest flashback, so the writers clearly thought this was the most important one. Or maybe it just felt like the longest. Either way, it was terrible. Kate ruins blah blah, you get the point.
Shannon and Boone are at the airport bickering. Try not to think about the fact that they were fucking a few hours earlier. Sayid asks Shannon to watch his bag and she's all "yeah, whatever." Boone yells at Shannon for being useless. Shannon shows how useful she is by telling a security guard that some Arab guy left his bag on the chair and took off. Irony?
Then there's more casual racism as Sun brings her husband some tea and a white woman makes fun of her thinking that Sun doesn't understand English. Not that it would be OK otherwise, but it's especially weird because Sun spills some tea on Jin and the woman mocks her for cleaning it up. White People: We're The Worst!
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
FENWAY PARK
In which shit gets real.
 |
| Only who can prevent forest fires? |
THE ISLAND
Lost is back, guys! After two weeks of boring nonsense, the show is back on track as Michael and his gallant crew leave the island. But first Walt's gallant urine has to leave his body. But as he's watering the jungle, he sees a crazy French woman and her crazy French guns making her way to the camp. She comes with a warning. She was pregnant when she crashed on the island and after her daughter was born she saw a pillar of black smoke in the distance. Then some of Ethan's Others came and took her baby. Everyone awkwardly avoids making eye contact with Claire.
Jack, of course, says "What? No. That's stupid. You're stupid" and goes back to launching the raft. Everyone not building the raft has built a ramp for it, and it's time to shove the whole mess into the water. At least it was, until Sawyer breaks something. It's just stalling for time, but putting off the launch for another 30 minutes makes for a good ending of the episode, and Sawyer storming off sets up a nice scene for him and Jack, so I'll allow it. Of course that's when everyone sees a pillar of black smoke off in the horizon. So either the island just elected a new Pope, or the castaways are fucked.
Everyone starts to wonder where 40 people are all going to hide together and Locke is all "Yeah, about that...." Jack tells everyone the plan. Blow the hatch, then everyone hides underground until this whole thing blows over. But to do that, they'll need some of Rousseau's crazy French dynamite. She doesn't have any. To get more, they'll need to travel to the black rock in the heart of the Dark Territory. Everyone take this news in stride. After 44 days, they've all figured out -and I can not stress this enough- this island is fucking weird. So everyone suits up for a Jungle Mission. We've got Jack, Locke, and Rousseau obviously. Kate, because of course. Hurley because that makes as much sense as Kate, and Dr. Arzt the high school science teacher from last week. He's coming because he's the only person who knows how to handle dynamite. The exasperated, condescending way he teaches everyone his utterly delightful. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this guy in the upcoming seasons.
Before they go, Jack says goodbye to Sawyer. It's a real nice scene that showcases a lot of character growth for both of them. Jack gives Sawyer a gun, so that if food runs out, he can handle the situation. And Sawyer tells Jack about the time he met Jack's dad in a dingy dingo bar. Strangely, Jack's father's famous catchphrase, "That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series" doesn't come up. Seriously though, this is a great scene. I wish the two of them had more scenes like this together, instead of growling at Kate about which one of their dicks is bigger.
On the rest of the beach, Shannon is being a bitch, so Walt gives her Vincent. The dog helped him through his mom's death, now he can help her with Boone's. He's a good kid. Charlie is collecting messages for all the survivor's families to go on the raft. Locke declines to write one. I can't really blame him there. Sun has made Jin a little cheat sheet of English phrases to help him on the trip. They reconcile. It's really sweet. And so, Michael, Walt, Jin, and Sawyer set sail. Bound for California, or possibly Hawaii, or at least a cargo ship that won't run them over.
Back in the jungle, the group crosses over into the Dark Territory, and things get real creepy, real fast. Arzt, realizing he's a redshirt, decides to high tail it back to the beach. But changes his mind real quick when a Cloverfield starts chasing him. Kate leads most everyone right to a tree to hide in, but Locke grabs Hurley and they stay right were they are. Locke is convinced that the best way to outwit the monster is to just stay right were they are. And luckily for the SFX budget, that's exactly what happens. The monster wanders off before getting into camera range. Rousseau lets everyone know that the monster is a security system for the island, and quite frankly that just raises more questions. But there's no time for that! They've arrived at the black rock! Or to be more accurate, they've arrived at the Black Rock! It's not so much a rock as it is a giant shipwreck that is somehow in the middle of the jungle. I'm telling you, this island is fucking weird. Then, because someone decided to split this episode into two parts, and this is not a good place to take a break, we get a quick shot of the black smoke for the cliffhanger. LOST
 |
| They probably shouldn't have named it the S.S. Minnow. |
THE FLASHBACK(S)
We get a bunch of little flashbacks this week that show what everyone was doing right before they got on the plane. It's actually a really good way to show how far the characters have come this season. We start out with Michael and Walt. It's 5 AM, and Walt wants to watch Power Rangers. Michael wants to sleep for a few more hours. He tries to compromise by asking Walt to turn down the sound, but Walt just turns it up instead. This turns into a huge fight, with Walt screaming that Michael isn't his father. It especially contrasts nice with the dissolve to Micheal and Walt on the beach sleeping next to each other.
Next we get Jack sitting in the airport bar. A young woman named Anna Lucia strikes up a conversation with him. We know that she's going to be important because she's Michelle Rodriguez and you don't fly a name actress to Hawaii and just have her film one minor scene. She's sitting in the back of the plane, though. So she's in the bottom of the Pacific now.
Time for Sawyer. We're seeing him right from the background of Boone's flashback. Last night Sawyer got wicked drunk and headbutted the Australian Prime Minister, the cops took him in and found out his real identity, and now he's being deported. I'm pretty sure deportation isn't handled by local beat cops, but maybe they do things different down there. Anyways, Sawyer is told he's no longer welcome in Australia, so that just makes me assume that all the airports have a picture of Josh Holloway's face inside the "no" symbol.
Next up is Kate. You know, I really don't want to sit here and repeat myself about how Kate ruins everything and climbs trees. But then the show needs to stop repeating itself too. There's nothing new here. We already knew the Marshall was a dick. We knew that stupid toy plane is important to her, and where it came from. And we already knew that Kate is Pure and Innocent and Good, and only did What She Had to in Order to Protect Herself. And she's had no character growth all season, so there's nothing to contrast it with. If you're not going to give us something new, then don't even bother. Also, this is the longest flashback, so the writers clearly thought this was the most important one. Or maybe it just felt like the longest. Either way, it was terrible. Kate ruins blah blah, you get the point.
Shannon and Boone are at the airport bickering. Try not to think about the fact that they were fucking a few hours earlier. Sayid asks Shannon to watch his bag and she's all "yeah, whatever." Boone yells at Shannon for being useless. Shannon shows how useful she is by telling a security guard that some Arab guy left his bag on the chair and took off. Irony?
Then there's more casual racism as Sun brings her husband some tea and a white woman makes fun of her thinking that Sun doesn't understand English. Not that it would be OK otherwise, but it's especially weird because Sun spills some tea on Jin and the woman mocks her for cleaning it up. White People: We're The Worst!
 |
| Look, there were a lot of flashbacks, and this was the only consistent character in all of them. |
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
- Apparently the official name for the crash survivors is the Losties? Fucking stab me in the eyeball if I ever use that term non-ironically.
- We have yet to meet the Tailies and the Frighties. Fucking hell, do I hate fandom nicknames.
- I can't believe it took me almost an entire season to make a Cloverfield reference. I mean, it's right there!
- Lots of story lines wrap up this week and next. I like it a lot, the show goes through major changes every season, and they do a great job of clearing the slate this week, so we can set up all the new stuff next week.
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| Charlie is sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS, sending out an SOS |
- WALT!
- That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series (not featured)
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| I lost my shit at this reveal the first time I watched this show. |
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Born to Run
WHY AM I WATCHING BORN TO RUN?
In which I put my head down and power through this so I can get to the season finale.
In which I put my head down and power through this so I can get to the season finale.
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| Kate ruins everything. And climbs tress. And sadly waggles a plane around. |
Monday, February 1, 2016
The Greater Good
WHY AM I WATCHING THE GREATER GOOD?
In which the flashback mirrors life on the island, but not in a way that's interesting or compelling in any way.
In which the flashback mirrors life on the island, but not in a way that's interesting or compelling in any way.
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| How I felt when the episode was over. |
Monday, January 18, 2016
Do No Harm
WHY AM I WATCHING DO NO HARM?
In which Jack spends 40 minutes fighting for a lost cause. This is probably the only time that happens.
In which Jack spends 40 minutes fighting for a lost cause. This is probably the only time that happens.
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| Jack episodes are my favorite because the screencaps are just so easy. |
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Deus Ex Machina
WHY AM I WATCHING DEUS EX MACHINA?
In which Boone stops screwing up. Sort of.
In which Boone stops screwing up. Sort of.
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| Did... did you just try to tell me what I can't do? |
Monday, November 23, 2015
Numbers
WHY AM I WATCHING NUMBERS?
In which the mythology of the show starts to get fucking weird.
In which the mythology of the show starts to get fucking weird.
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| Hmm, yes. Spooky numbers. This is a thing that makes sense. Tell me more. |
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
...In Translation
WHY AM I WATCHING ...IN TRANSLATION?
In which Jin learns about the importance of oven mitts.
In which Jin learns about the importance of oven mitts.
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| Long pants at the beach. Our cultures are so different. |
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Homecoming
WHY AM I WATCHING HOMECOMING?
In which the shortest cowboy has masculinity issues.
In which the shortest cowboy has masculinity issues.
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| Sorry Chuck, you're not going to out sexy stare Sayid. |
Friday, October 2, 2015
Special
WHY AM I WATCHING SPECIAL?
In which Walt goes missing and Michael looks for him. That just happens in this one episode, right?
In which Walt goes missing and Michael looks for him. That just happens in this one episode, right?
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| Have you seen my son? |
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Hearts and Minds
WHY AM I WATCHING HEARTS AND MINDS?
In which, in true Boone fashion, the episode starts out good, but by the end is completely terrible.
THE ISLAND
Boone and Locke have been going out hunting all day every day, but have not brought back any boar. Naturally, the fat guy has some issues with this. Normally this would irritate me, but Jorge Garcia is so damn likeable, I can't help but enjoy it. Boone brushes him off though, because he has to go yell at Sayid. "Stay away from my sister!" he shouts. "What goes into her vagina is definitely my business! And it's not creepy or gross at all that I care about it!" Oh, poor Flonk From an Hour Ago. You don't know what creepy and gross is. Sayid, for his part, is more amused than anything at the trust fund kid trying to intimidate an actual factual Iraqi soldier (well, Indian Iraqi soldier, but you get my point), and all but laughs in his face. Locke is able to diffuse the situation by dragging Boone away for the day's hunt.
Except they're not hunting at all. They're down at that weird hatch thing, trying to figure out how to get it open. There's no handle, and it's sealed shut, so they can't force it open. Boone wants to tell everyone else about what they found, but Locke thinks that's a bad idea. Boone needs to tell someone. At the very least, Shannon HAS to know. Locke still vetoes it. But Boone is insistent that Shannon must know, so Locke bonks Boone on the head with a frying pan, ties him up, rubs some kind of goo in the wound, leaves a knife juuuuuuust out of reach, then walks off into the jungle, hands in pockets, whistling "The Fishin' Hole"
When Boone wakes up, he hears Shannon screaming for help in the distance. Locke tied her to a tree too! And if things aren't bad enough, the Monster starts making a ruckus. Boone manages to free himself, finds Shannon and cuts her free, and they run as far from the Monster as they can. It's a pretty intense sequence, even more impressive when you realize the Monster is just a shaky camera and weird sound effects. But eventually the Monster catches Shannon, chews her up, and spits out her empty shell like so much boiled peanut. Goodbye Shannon, you were too bitchy for this world.
That night, Boone returns to the camp and sees Locke sitting next to the fire. He tries to stab Locke in revenge, but Locke points out that Shannon is in fact alive and well. He had smeared some peyote in Boone's festering head wound, and the last 24 hours have just been a crazy trip, man. But seeing Shannon dead was what Boone needed to let her go. And so, Boone and Locke hold hands and skip back to the hatch together, the best of friends.
There isn't really a B plot this week. It's mostly some loosely connected character scenes. But I'm fine with that, because these are some great characters. First Hurley is mad because there's no more pig and Jin fucking hates him, so there's no fish either. Also, hilarious poop jokes. He tries to go fishing himself, but slips on an underwater banana peel and breaks a plate glass window. Jin is able to see that Hurley is trying, so he gives him a fish. Now they're best friends.
Jack decides he needs to make up with Kate after last week. So he stalks her for a while like a goddamn creeper. She's collecting seeds for a garden Sun has been working on. He gives her some guava seeds and now they're best friends again. As Kate is working on the garden, she starts talking about how great and pretty she is and how all the boys love her. Sun just rolls her eyes and is all "Of course they do." That's when it dawns on Kate, Sun can speak English. She promises to keep it a secret and now they're best friends.
Locke is walking through the jungle, quite pleased with himself. He comes across Sayid, doing some orienteering. He gives Sayid his compass, saying he doesn't need it anymore. But, as Sayid later shows Jack, the compass is useless anyway. It just points wherever it wants, nowhere near north. Because, I can not stress this enough, this island is fucking weird. This makes Jack suspicious, but as Charlie points out Locke may be scary, but he's the most capable person on the island. "There's no one I trust with my life more than John Locke." Well, I'm sure that will all work out well for everyone.
THE FLASHBACK
Boone is at the country club with Generic Blond #4, with a sweater tied around his neck, laughing about the poor people who can only afford pool memberships. That's when he gets a call on his hilarious 2004 flip phone. It's Shannon. She's in Australia and she's in trouble. But when Boone gets to Sydney and meets her boyfriend (Some beefy James Woods looking motherfucker) she's all "What are you doing here? Go away." Goddamn drama queen. But when she adjusts her hair, Boone spots some bruises. So he decides to come back later.
First step, he goes to the police. They're not much help, though. First off, there's a ragin Cajun they're trying to arrest. Also, the cop can't understand how Shannon Rutherford and Boone Carlyle can be siblings if they have different last names (No one tell this guy about Fant4stic), despite the obvious explanation. Boone's mother married Shannon's father (No one tell this guy about The Brady Bunch). It's not going well, so Boone decides to grease some palms and drops his mother's name. "Perhaps you've heard of Carlyle Weddings? We're the third largest wedding supplier of the Pacific Northwest. I'm Executive Vice President in Charge of Veils, Tiaras, and Other Headgear" The cop doesn't go for it. Since that didn't work, Boone decides to go with an old classic. Pay the boyfriend to go away.
But when Boone comes to pick up Shannon too early, the boyfriend is still there! The jig is up! Shannon and her boy toy were going to split the money! An this isn't the first time she's pulled this scam on him. She knew he would pay off the guy, because he always does. Poor sap. Then, to add injury to insult, the boyfriend punches Boone in the face a few times. Because it's been a while since Boone got punched in the face. I missed that.
That night, as Boone rubs a steak on his face and makes sure his chiseled jaw is still intact, he hears a knock on his hotel room door. It's Shannon. Turns out her boyfriend was a total scumbag after all (who knew?) and took all the money. This is when things take a turn for the gross. Shannon says that she knew Boone would save her because he's in love with her and always has been. And Boone is all "Shut up, you're dunk. Stop being gross." But then they start making out all over the place. Because on TV you can't have any sort of platonic male/female relationship without one or both secretly wanting to bang the other. Not even siblings are safe. Goddamnit. Anyways, they bone. Then the plane crashes. I'm done. I can't with this right now.
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
THE CATCHPHRASES
In which, in true Boone fashion, the episode starts out good, but by the end is completely terrible.
 |
| Pretty boy is ready for his close up. |
THE ISLAND
Boone and Locke have been going out hunting all day every day, but have not brought back any boar. Naturally, the fat guy has some issues with this. Normally this would irritate me, but Jorge Garcia is so damn likeable, I can't help but enjoy it. Boone brushes him off though, because he has to go yell at Sayid. "Stay away from my sister!" he shouts. "What goes into her vagina is definitely my business! And it's not creepy or gross at all that I care about it!" Oh, poor Flonk From an Hour Ago. You don't know what creepy and gross is. Sayid, for his part, is more amused than anything at the trust fund kid trying to intimidate an actual factual Iraqi soldier (well, Indian Iraqi soldier, but you get my point), and all but laughs in his face. Locke is able to diffuse the situation by dragging Boone away for the day's hunt.
Except they're not hunting at all. They're down at that weird hatch thing, trying to figure out how to get it open. There's no handle, and it's sealed shut, so they can't force it open. Boone wants to tell everyone else about what they found, but Locke thinks that's a bad idea. Boone needs to tell someone. At the very least, Shannon HAS to know. Locke still vetoes it. But Boone is insistent that Shannon must know, so Locke bonks Boone on the head with a frying pan, ties him up, rubs some kind of goo in the wound, leaves a knife juuuuuuust out of reach, then walks off into the jungle, hands in pockets, whistling "The Fishin' Hole"
When Boone wakes up, he hears Shannon screaming for help in the distance. Locke tied her to a tree too! And if things aren't bad enough, the Monster starts making a ruckus. Boone manages to free himself, finds Shannon and cuts her free, and they run as far from the Monster as they can. It's a pretty intense sequence, even more impressive when you realize the Monster is just a shaky camera and weird sound effects. But eventually the Monster catches Shannon, chews her up, and spits out her empty shell like so much boiled peanut. Goodbye Shannon, you were too bitchy for this world.
That night, Boone returns to the camp and sees Locke sitting next to the fire. He tries to stab Locke in revenge, but Locke points out that Shannon is in fact alive and well. He had smeared some peyote in Boone's festering head wound, and the last 24 hours have just been a crazy trip, man. But seeing Shannon dead was what Boone needed to let her go. And so, Boone and Locke hold hands and skip back to the hatch together, the best of friends.
There isn't really a B plot this week. It's mostly some loosely connected character scenes. But I'm fine with that, because these are some great characters. First Hurley is mad because there's no more pig and Jin fucking hates him, so there's no fish either. Also, hilarious poop jokes. He tries to go fishing himself, but slips on an underwater banana peel and breaks a plate glass window. Jin is able to see that Hurley is trying, so he gives him a fish. Now they're best friends.
Jack decides he needs to make up with Kate after last week. So he stalks her for a while like a goddamn creeper. She's collecting seeds for a garden Sun has been working on. He gives her some guava seeds and now they're best friends again. As Kate is working on the garden, she starts talking about how great and pretty she is and how all the boys love her. Sun just rolls her eyes and is all "Of course they do." That's when it dawns on Kate, Sun can speak English. She promises to keep it a secret and now they're best friends.
Locke is walking through the jungle, quite pleased with himself. He comes across Sayid, doing some orienteering. He gives Sayid his compass, saying he doesn't need it anymore. But, as Sayid later shows Jack, the compass is useless anyway. It just points wherever it wants, nowhere near north. Because, I can not stress this enough, this island is fucking weird. This makes Jack suspicious, but as Charlie points out Locke may be scary, but he's the most capable person on the island. "There's no one I trust with my life more than John Locke." Well, I'm sure that will all work out well for everyone.
 |
| Nature's best friends |
THE FLASHBACK
Boone is at the country club with Generic Blond #4, with a sweater tied around his neck, laughing about the poor people who can only afford pool memberships. That's when he gets a call on his hilarious 2004 flip phone. It's Shannon. She's in Australia and she's in trouble. But when Boone gets to Sydney and meets her boyfriend (Some beefy James Woods looking motherfucker) she's all "What are you doing here? Go away." Goddamn drama queen. But when she adjusts her hair, Boone spots some bruises. So he decides to come back later.
First step, he goes to the police. They're not much help, though. First off, there's a ragin Cajun they're trying to arrest. Also, the cop can't understand how Shannon Rutherford and Boone Carlyle can be siblings if they have different last names (No one tell this guy about Fant4stic), despite the obvious explanation. Boone's mother married Shannon's father (No one tell this guy about The Brady Bunch). It's not going well, so Boone decides to grease some palms and drops his mother's name. "Perhaps you've heard of Carlyle Weddings? We're the third largest wedding supplier of the Pacific Northwest. I'm Executive Vice President in Charge of Veils, Tiaras, and Other Headgear" The cop doesn't go for it. Since that didn't work, Boone decides to go with an old classic. Pay the boyfriend to go away.
But when Boone comes to pick up Shannon too early, the boyfriend is still there! The jig is up! Shannon and her boy toy were going to split the money! An this isn't the first time she's pulled this scam on him. She knew he would pay off the guy, because he always does. Poor sap. Then, to add injury to insult, the boyfriend punches Boone in the face a few times. Because it's been a while since Boone got punched in the face. I missed that.
That night, as Boone rubs a steak on his face and makes sure his chiseled jaw is still intact, he hears a knock on his hotel room door. It's Shannon. Turns out her boyfriend was a total scumbag after all (who knew?) and took all the money. This is when things take a turn for the gross. Shannon says that she knew Boone would save her because he's in love with her and always has been. And Boone is all "Shut up, you're dunk. Stop being gross." But then they start making out all over the place. Because on TV you can't have any sort of platonic male/female relationship without one or both secretly wanting to bang the other. Not even siblings are safe. Goddamnit. Anyways, they bone. Then the plane crashes. I'm done. I can't with this right now.
 |
| Picture taken just before he sued all of Twitter. |
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
- Overall I liked this episode too. The Boone/ Locke relationship is great. The Hurley/Jin stuff was real funny. I even liked the Jack and Kate scenes. But the end of that flashback. Holy shit, no.
- It doesn't help that Shannon is supposed to be an unlikable character, and we can't see a reason why anyone would be interested in her, beyond "she's hot". Especially if that person has known her for her entire life. And ignoring the part where they are related. Ugh.
- That all said, this was a very strong character episode. I really enjoyed just hanging out with these people for a day and seeing what they got up to.
 |
| Nature's best pals. |
THE CATCHPHRASES
- I didn't notice any this week, but acording to Lostpedia, Hurley says "Dude" 6 times.
- Please enjoy this Lostpedia page on Dude. Complete with a handy chart of Hurley's DPE (Dudes Per Episode)
- I love this website.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Whatever the Case May Be
WHY AM I WATCHING WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE?
In which Kate becomes a sexy bank robber or something.
In which Kate becomes a sexy bank robber or something.
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| And the Katers gonna Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. |
Monday, August 24, 2015
All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues
WHY AM I WATCHING ALL THE BEST COWBOYS HAVE DADDY ISSUES?
In which the writers come up with an episode title designed to send me into a rage.
In which the writers come up with an episode title designed to send me into a rage.
 |
| Pictured: Not a cowboy |
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Raised by Another
WHY AM I WATCHING RAISED BY ANOTHER?
In which Claire celebrates her promotion to the main cast with an episode all about her!
In which Claire celebrates her promotion to the main cast with an episode all about her!
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| This is pretty much the only time in the episode that she's not crying. |
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Solitary
WHY AM I WATCHING SOLITARY?
Because it's 2004, and America is ga-ga for torture! In our entertainment AND in our foreign policy, we can't get enough of seeing people beaten until they tell us what we want to hear!
Because it's 2004, and America is ga-ga for torture! In our entertainment AND in our foreign policy, we can't get enough of seeing people beaten until they tell us what we want to hear!
 |
| An Iraqi and a French woman in a Mexican standoff. |
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Confidence Man
WHY AM I WATCHING CONFIDENCE MAN?
In which she is all "Ah love you, Remy!" And Sawyer is all "Aw haw haw! Spicy Crawdad!"
In which she is all "Ah love you, Remy!" And Sawyer is all "Aw haw haw! Spicy Crawdad!"
 |
| Don't you EVER compare me to Gambit! |
Thursday, July 16, 2015
The Moth
WHY AM I WATCHING THE MOTH?
In which Charlie's brother may be a butterfly, but Charlie is a moth and those guys are way cooler.
THE ISLAND
Charlie's heroin withdrawal is getting worse, but Locke is there to help him through it. Cuddly, hugable, friend to all knives Locke. He suggests going for a walk, thinking the fresh air will do Charlie some good. Charlie is all "Sod off, old man!" then he goes for a walk anyways. While he's out a boar decides to mess with him and starts chasing him around. Luckily, Charlie leads the pig into one of Locke's patented Pig Traps. Well, lucky for Charlie. And the island full of hungry survivors. Not so lucky for the boar. Charlie has had enough of this stupid island and it's dumb monsters and just wants his drugs back. Locke tells Charlie he can ask for his drugs back three times, and after that he'll get them. I'm not really sure why. Locke does have a flair for the dramatic, I suppose.
So Jack moves his stuff into the caves. Charlie tries to help, but ends up spilling doctor things all over the ground. Then Jack stubs his toe on Charlie's guitar and yells at him to clean up his stuff. Charlie doesn't appreciate being treated like a child, and tells Jack so, in the loudest possible way. "I'm a rock god!" he shouts. Then a bunch of rocks fall on their head. This is why you don't piss off the island, Charlie.
Charlie is a little bruised, but otherwise he's fine. Jack, on the other hand, is buried in the rubble. Nobody wants Charlie to help dig him out, though. They tell him to go get Kate. Because that's the best way to make a guy feel useful. Have him drive the Ford Pinto. Charlie runs to the beach, but the Pinto isn't there. Luckily he finds a couple of F-150s instead. And Boone, who is a Focus, I guess. This metaphor is getting away from me. Charlie leads a big group of people back to the caves. Michael even used to work construction, so he knows the best, safest way to get Jack out. Charlie decides it's been a rough morning and he needs a little something to take the edge off.
Locke is outside starting prep for dinner. Chopping the onions, portioning the seasonings, ripping the skin off a pig. Stuff like that. When Charlie asks him for the heroin, he gets a moth cocoon instead. Locke tells Charlie how the moth is struggling to get out right now, and he could cut the cocoon open and set it free, but the struggle will make it stronger. The moth needs to dig it's way out on it's own. Unlike me, Charlie understands how metaphors work and volunteers to go into the cave and dig out Jack.
So, Charlie shimmies through the hole they made, but it collapses behind him. Now they're both trapped. Great job, Chuck. This is when the withdrawal symptoms start hitting Charlie hard. Jack lets Charlie know he knows whats going on, and when they get out of this, he's going to help. That's when Charlie sees that a moth has flown in there with them. He follows the moth to a tiny hole that leads up to the surface. His transformation from drug addicted caterpillar to comic relief moth completed, Charlie starts to dig his way to freedom.
That night at the campfire, Charlie's withdrawal is at its worst and he asks Locke for his stash. Locke is disappointed, but gives it to him. Charlie then chucks it into the fire. Locke is very proud of Charlie now, and they watch a moth fly off into the night. The moth is then eaten by a bat. The bat is then eaten by a Mothra, because this island is fucked up.
While that's all going on, Sayid has come up with a way to track the French woman's radio signal. But he needs more power for the radio. Luckily Kate knows where she can find the battery to an Apple Lisa. Unfortunately it's with Sawyer. She starts berating him for no real reason, but since he's such a swell guy, he gives her the battery free of charge. He's nice out of spite, which is hilarious to me.
Electricity now acquired, Sayid needs to plant radio receivers at different points on the island, so he can triangulate the signal. That means he's going to need Kate and Boone's help. Oh boy. This won't end well. The timing needs to be perfect for this to work, so they're going to shoot off bottle rockets when they're in position. This is a pretty cool way to communicate with each other across the island, until you stop to wonder why there were fireworks on the plane in the first place.
So, they head off, and that's why Kate isn't there when Charlie shows up with news about Jack. Sawyer though, being the nice guy that he is runs to find her. But when he does, she starts laying into him again. So Sawyer decides he's not going to tell her now. Which is mean, but fuck her. She was an asshole first.
The first receiver is on the beach. The second one needs to be put up high in a tree. For some reason Sawyer does this, while Kate sits down to enjoy some Hydrox and wash it down with New Coke. While Sayid goes off to place the last one, Kate and Sawyer have a little heart to heart. That's when he lets it slip that Jack is in trouble. She puts on her Very Sad face and dead arm runs into the jungle, leaving Sawyer with the radio. But the plan works. Everyone turns on their radios at the right time, Sayid gets a signal and starts to figure out where it's coming from. Then someone off camera bonks him over the head with a frying pan.
THE FLASHBACK
Charlie is filling in some guy about the debauchery after the previous evening's rock and roll concert. Some guy who is a priest. And they're in a confessional. So Charlie decides that the best thing for his spiritual well being is that he has to quit the band. Naturally his brother, Liam Gallagher, is waiting outside the door holding up a contract that reads "MAJOR RECORD DEAL. PRICE: ONE SOUL" Charlie still wants to quit, but Liam convinces him to stay, telling Charlie that without him, the band is nothing. Charlie says he'll sign, but only if he can quit at any time and Liam agrees. I'm sure this will all turn out fine.
And the band is a smash hit. Dick Clark AND Casey Kasem are playing the number one song of the summer, You All Everybody. The kids can't get enough Driveshaft. But on stage, Liam starts singing Charlie's parts. And Charlie is PISSED. Later in the tour, Liam misses sound check because he's all doped up on goofballs. Charlie is done, he's ready to walk away and Liam flips the fuck out. He berates Charlie into staying telling him that without the band, Charlie is nothing. Who could have seen this coming?
A few years go by. The band has broken up. Liam has cleaned himself up and has a wife and an Australian baby. Charlie pays them a visit, which at first seems like just a social call. Then Charlie drops the news that he's got a Driveshaft reunion tour all lined up, but it can't happen without Liam. Unfortunately Liam likes his beautiful house and his beautiful wife. He likes not waking up every day wondering how did he get here. Charlie does not take this news well. He starts to tell his brother off, and that's when Liam realizes that Charlie is still using drugs and is probably high right now. He tries to help, but that just makes Charlie even madder. He tells Liam to "piss off, bloody wanker" or some other exceedingly British curse words, and storms off.
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
THE CATCHPHRASES
In which Charlie's brother may be a butterfly, but Charlie is a moth and those guys are way cooler.
 |
| He makes this face a lot. |
Charlie's heroin withdrawal is getting worse, but Locke is there to help him through it. Cuddly, hugable, friend to all knives Locke. He suggests going for a walk, thinking the fresh air will do Charlie some good. Charlie is all "Sod off, old man!" then he goes for a walk anyways. While he's out a boar decides to mess with him and starts chasing him around. Luckily, Charlie leads the pig into one of Locke's patented Pig Traps. Well, lucky for Charlie. And the island full of hungry survivors. Not so lucky for the boar. Charlie has had enough of this stupid island and it's dumb monsters and just wants his drugs back. Locke tells Charlie he can ask for his drugs back three times, and after that he'll get them. I'm not really sure why. Locke does have a flair for the dramatic, I suppose.
So Jack moves his stuff into the caves. Charlie tries to help, but ends up spilling doctor things all over the ground. Then Jack stubs his toe on Charlie's guitar and yells at him to clean up his stuff. Charlie doesn't appreciate being treated like a child, and tells Jack so, in the loudest possible way. "I'm a rock god!" he shouts. Then a bunch of rocks fall on their head. This is why you don't piss off the island, Charlie.
Charlie is a little bruised, but otherwise he's fine. Jack, on the other hand, is buried in the rubble. Nobody wants Charlie to help dig him out, though. They tell him to go get Kate. Because that's the best way to make a guy feel useful. Have him drive the Ford Pinto. Charlie runs to the beach, but the Pinto isn't there. Luckily he finds a couple of F-150s instead. And Boone, who is a Focus, I guess. This metaphor is getting away from me. Charlie leads a big group of people back to the caves. Michael even used to work construction, so he knows the best, safest way to get Jack out. Charlie decides it's been a rough morning and he needs a little something to take the edge off.
Locke is outside starting prep for dinner. Chopping the onions, portioning the seasonings, ripping the skin off a pig. Stuff like that. When Charlie asks him for the heroin, he gets a moth cocoon instead. Locke tells Charlie how the moth is struggling to get out right now, and he could cut the cocoon open and set it free, but the struggle will make it stronger. The moth needs to dig it's way out on it's own. Unlike me, Charlie understands how metaphors work and volunteers to go into the cave and dig out Jack.
So, Charlie shimmies through the hole they made, but it collapses behind him. Now they're both trapped. Great job, Chuck. This is when the withdrawal symptoms start hitting Charlie hard. Jack lets Charlie know he knows whats going on, and when they get out of this, he's going to help. That's when Charlie sees that a moth has flown in there with them. He follows the moth to a tiny hole that leads up to the surface. His transformation from drug addicted caterpillar to comic relief moth completed, Charlie starts to dig his way to freedom.
That night at the campfire, Charlie's withdrawal is at its worst and he asks Locke for his stash. Locke is disappointed, but gives it to him. Charlie then chucks it into the fire. Locke is very proud of Charlie now, and they watch a moth fly off into the night. The moth is then eaten by a bat. The bat is then eaten by a Mothra, because this island is fucked up.
While that's all going on, Sayid has come up with a way to track the French woman's radio signal. But he needs more power for the radio. Luckily Kate knows where she can find the battery to an Apple Lisa. Unfortunately it's with Sawyer. She starts berating him for no real reason, but since he's such a swell guy, he gives her the battery free of charge. He's nice out of spite, which is hilarious to me.
Electricity now acquired, Sayid needs to plant radio receivers at different points on the island, so he can triangulate the signal. That means he's going to need Kate and Boone's help. Oh boy. This won't end well. The timing needs to be perfect for this to work, so they're going to shoot off bottle rockets when they're in position. This is a pretty cool way to communicate with each other across the island, until you stop to wonder why there were fireworks on the plane in the first place.
So, they head off, and that's why Kate isn't there when Charlie shows up with news about Jack. Sawyer though, being the nice guy that he is runs to find her. But when he does, she starts laying into him again. So Sawyer decides he's not going to tell her now. Which is mean, but fuck her. She was an asshole first.
The first receiver is on the beach. The second one needs to be put up high in a tree. For some reason Sawyer does this, while Kate sits down to enjoy some Hydrox and wash it down with New Coke. While Sayid goes off to place the last one, Kate and Sawyer have a little heart to heart. That's when he lets it slip that Jack is in trouble. She puts on her Very Sad face and dead arm runs into the jungle, leaving Sawyer with the radio. But the plan works. Everyone turns on their radios at the right time, Sayid gets a signal and starts to figure out where it's coming from. Then someone off camera bonks him over the head with a frying pan.
 |
| Throw your hands in the air for some high fives! |
THE FLASHBACK
Charlie is filling in some guy about the debauchery after the previous evening's rock and roll concert. Some guy who is a priest. And they're in a confessional. So Charlie decides that the best thing for his spiritual well being is that he has to quit the band. Naturally his brother, Liam Gallagher, is waiting outside the door holding up a contract that reads "MAJOR RECORD DEAL. PRICE: ONE SOUL" Charlie still wants to quit, but Liam convinces him to stay, telling Charlie that without him, the band is nothing. Charlie says he'll sign, but only if he can quit at any time and Liam agrees. I'm sure this will all turn out fine.
And the band is a smash hit. Dick Clark AND Casey Kasem are playing the number one song of the summer, You All Everybody. The kids can't get enough Driveshaft. But on stage, Liam starts singing Charlie's parts. And Charlie is PISSED. Later in the tour, Liam misses sound check because he's all doped up on goofballs. Charlie is done, he's ready to walk away and Liam flips the fuck out. He berates Charlie into staying telling him that without the band, Charlie is nothing. Who could have seen this coming?
A few years go by. The band has broken up. Liam has cleaned himself up and has a wife and an Australian baby. Charlie pays them a visit, which at first seems like just a social call. Then Charlie drops the news that he's got a Driveshaft reunion tour all lined up, but it can't happen without Liam. Unfortunately Liam likes his beautiful house and his beautiful wife. He likes not waking up every day wondering how did he get here. Charlie does not take this news well. He starts to tell his brother off, and that's when Liam realizes that Charlie is still using drugs and is probably high right now. He tries to help, but that just makes Charlie even madder. He tells Liam to "piss off, bloody wanker" or some other exceedingly British curse words, and storms off.
 |
| Anyway, here's Wonderwall. |
THE RANDOM THOUGHTS
- You All Everybody gets stuck in my head a lot. My apologies to everyone who has overheard me singing it.
- Boone screws up this week by leaving his useless sister in charge of the radio while he goes to dig out Jack.
- Geez, this one was long. There was a lot happening, though. Great episode overall.
 |
| Dusting the pork is a euphemism that never quite took off. |
THE CATCHPHRASES
- You all everybody
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