The Magicks of Megus-Tu

WHY AM I WATCHING THE MAGICKS OF MEGAS-TU?

In which my science fiction show has a goddamn wizard's duel.

Yeah, fine. Spock is a wizard now.

The Enterprise is checking out the planet at the center of the universe and gets caught in a space tornado or something and ends up in Kansas. I mean an alternate anti-matter universe. There, a horned, goat legged man appears on the bridge. The script says he has red skin, but it's clearly tan and brown. Also, he has very strangely proportioned arms. He's a very friendly and jovial fellow. That's can only mean one thing. He's everyone's best friend, Satan. This is admittedly an....unusual take on The Rollicker, but so is insisting that one of his nicknames is The Rollicker. He takes the crew down to his planet, Megas-Tu (Not Megas II, because that would make sense). He tells Spock that on his planet, Magick and science are one and the same and goddammit, it's going to be one of THOSE episodes.

Lucien (that's The Devil's name, not Lucifer) sends the crew back up to the Enterprise, because he doesn't want his pals to get found out by other members of his species who aren't as nice as him, The Devil. Up on the ship, everyone starts fucking practicing magick. Spock uses the Force to make chess pieces move. Sulu conjures himself up a beautiful woman AND YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE HIKARU. And that's when the Megans notice them. And that's when the director must have realized they accidentally created an entire planet of wizards named Megan, but no one could be bothered to change the name in the script.

Megan transports the crew down to Megas-Tu, which looks a lot like 1600's Salem AND GODDAMMIT. There's a witch trial because humans are the real evil. Spock gets to play lawyer, since he's only half human. I don't know. I was a combination of bored and angry at this point. The humans are found innocent and are banished to their ship, never to return. Then Lucien gets put on trial for bringing the humans to Megas-Tu. Kirk can't stand to see his ol' pal Satan in trouble, so he gets into a goddamn fucking wizard's duel, and starts shooting magic missiles or whatever at Judge Megan. He wins, I guess because Lucien is set free, and the Enterprise is returned to it's universe where hopefully we'll encounter some goddamn science fiction next week.

And now, story time. With your pal, The Devil.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• Originally, the crew was going to meet God, and Gene loved that idea because of course he did. For the other times the crew met a god or gods, please see LIKE EVERY OTHER TOS, HALF OF TNG, AND ONE THIRD OF DS9. I LITERALLY DON'T HAVE THE TIME OR SPACE TO LINK TO THEM ALL
• For the other time they went to the center of the galaxy and actually did meet God, don't see Star Trek V. Under any circumstances.
• Wizard's duels are the most boring form of fight.

Ah, the three fundamental forces of the universe. Science. Command. Ship operations.